Second Rate, Part 1...

So I'm gonna try not to be too prolific in this post but I have wondered the statistics...there is probably a line I'm going to cross and cross it I shall.

I have wondered about the true realities of racial profiling/racializing particularly in regards to the alternative lifestyle of being gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered.

I have faced two incidents recently that definitely make me feel like a second rate minority among minorities in Los Angeles.

I'm not sure if this if self induced dillusion or quite factual in all respects.

I know people are allowed their personal preference, tastes and attractions, but here is my issue...well I don't know how to explain, but I guess it boils down to my attraction and wanting to be in a relationship with someone who is of caucasian descent (and I know I've talked to this topic a few times over).

Well first off, let me state the non-obvious. I am Asian, specifically Filipino. So what you say?

Does that particularly matter much? Some may say no, others may say yes and then there are those who take no stance. I bet the fact that I just stated my ethnicity may have now likely put off a few people/readers...who knows?

Be it Match.com, Gay.com or CL, one thing's for sure, being a minority amongst minorities is quite abyssmal. Unless I'm a bottom hungry submissive twink or a overtly muscled steroidal gym rat, I have NO chance in hell in vying for the likes of anyone's time, caucasian or not.

Yes, my friends in the blogging world (or in general/real life) may prove me wrong (and I'm likely to get flack from ESJ, BFoL and BFoR, to name THE few who would), so far no one's really given me a reason not to be right in my assumptions. It is with the sad truth, it's like finding a needle in a haystack.

BFoL pointed out to me that he himself, being caucasian finds asian guys (specifically Filipino) to be completely in his preferences; and also points out that a mutual friend of ours' brother is with someone who is caucasian. Okay two out of what...a good million or so? That is nearly a 0.000002% percentile of men you are attracted to the minority.

If that's the case, then I'm in the totally wrong area and/or looking in all the wrong places. Maybe San Deigo is the spot since there is a heavy majority of minority (read: Filipinos) in concentration there. Hence, the likelihood of finding a mate that is interested in someone other than of their own persuasion...

I'll have to continue this post/rant at a later time...

fI

Cast of Characters...And then some!

So let me take this time to rundown a cast of characters, per se. I haven't really established a who's who, except for ESJ.

- Mr. Right (actually Mr. Right Now, until I figure things out): Younger guy I'm currently seeing...
- ElSenorJesse aka ESJ: An awesome friend who knows more about me than the common bloke and helps me understand what I don't...
- Best Friend on the Left aka BFoL: the bi best friend...since he's more liberal goes on the left...
- Best Friend on the Right aka BFoR: the Christian best friend...for his religion, which is to the right...
- Craigslist Movie Guy aka CLMG: Older guy I saw a movie with nearly a month and a half ago (important continuing storyline as he contacted me again the last two days, possible story on that after the list)...

So...where did I leave off? Oh yah...so the last few days CLMG contacted me again, saying he wanted to meet up and hang out and what have you. I haven't been quite honest with him and well trying to find a good reason not to go out with him as well. I think Mr. Right Now is definitely a good reason not to go out with him. And aside from the fact the guy is a bit older and well not my type. If I knew for a fact he wanted to go as friends to the movies, then maybe but at this point he knows that I hadn't done anything with a guy (which has changed) and found that it was quite intriguing that I haven't (at this point I'm a novelty).

And again today while i was with BFoL at Costco and enjoying my pepperoni pizza (thanks Dan for subliminally putting the thought of pizza in my mind with your last two blog entries!!! :p) I got a text from CLMG to see if I wanted to go see a movie. Of course that wasn't gonna happen since I was no where in town and well, at this point, I'm not willing to tread that territory 'til I'm sure he doesn't want to be more than just friends (which I'd happily oblige to do). Anyways, point is thanks, but no thanks. And my apoligies for leading him on (or at least what feels like I am doing). And while I'm at it...went to a Halloween party tonight, another new blog rater than an update to an old post! :D

fI

When to say no...

So in the last post I left you with my next topic of discussion: Craigslist and guys (not to be confused with the two previous posts, one per each subject). I know I was saying that there isn't a decent guy to be found on CL. I'll come back to that thought in a minute.

But one friday night about a month ago I decided to be a bit more daring than usual and post up an ad looking for someone to hang out with and catch a flick. So come that night at 8PM still no emails. So I perused around CL looking for any glimmer of hope. Then I saw a sparkle: "Anyone wanna go to dinner and a movie?" Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a winner! So I reply to post stating I was looking for someone to catch a movie with (I skipped on dinner as I had eaten dinner just before then). So I sat refreshing my email to see if I got a response...10 minutes, 15 minutes...20 minutes...finally a response! So the barrage of emails begin. And we finally decide on a place and time. I go wash up, brush my teeth and mist myself with a spray of cologne...off I go!

I have to admit I was a bit weary the whole week during and then I finally got excited for the whole experience to happen. I drove down the main street towards the theatre, my palms slightly clamy, my heart slightly racing along with my mind. I get to the movie theatre and park. I slowly walk towards the front of the theatre looking around for the guy in the garb he had said he was wearing. So I waited inside the mall in front of the doors, looking around and feeling completely awkward waiting there, crowd surfing. Then I notice him as he walks in through the doors as he's on the phone waiting for me to pick up.

So we do the usual introductions, and walk towards the box office and chat it up while waiting in line to get tickets. Find out where he works and what he does...I barely revealed anything about myself (which I guess is a good thing since I'm still a bit weary of just throwing all of myself out there). Anyways, we got our tickets (my treat thanks to my winning MVP for an organization I volunteer for) and headed into the theatre. We sat down and chatted up a bit more...and that was it. The movie started and NOTHING happened. NOTHING! Well not like I really initiated anything, but this guy I'm assuming is older than me, but he didn't make any attempts to hold my hand, put his hand on my leg or anything. Wow. Just wow. I guess my perception of guys on CL are that they're willing to go the distance and well, this instance fell short.

Surprisingly, the night ended there and we talked about going out again and parted ways. Walk back to my car and start driving home. As I'm sitting in my car, my phone vibrates...a text: "Wish I worked up the courage to ask you if I could suck you off." WHOA! Okay, where was that in the theatre?! So I responded: "Well doesn't hurt to try right? I was hoping you would try something." And we exchanged several texts after that with some innuendos and double entendres.

Well the evening went well I think. But in all honesty (no offense to the guy) but he's not my type, or what I expected. But he's nice and he has been trying to get me to meet up with him again to hang out and probably try some things the last few weeks since.. And here I am trying to find someone else so I can give a legit reason that I'm with someone else. But no luck...everyone on CL is still the superficial and self absorbed as I had previously described. I guess I gotta keep on trucking....I'lll find him...soon...I hope. Next time on the blog: Am I just as superficial?!

fI

Cruising...

Coming back to the topic I left off with on the last post...Craigslist (to be referred from now on as CL).

CL is quite the perplexing place to meet guys when you're not really out of the closet. Reading the various ads for immediate satifisfaction, VGLs, want dicks now...definitely a bevy of ads of people who want instant gratification. Then there are the few and far between ads which someone is looking for someone "genuine, real, normal" (And I quote these terms as to not confuse the reality in which they should really be used). So even these so called "genuine, real, normal" guys looking for an LTR or FWB (friends with benefits) are just as superficial as the former I mentioned. I have come to find even those "genuine" ones balked as soon as my response to them is returned. What gives?! I know there's those who have probably found someone through CL which isn't a total loss (e.g. Matt of Debriefing The Boys blog, found a decent guy during his summer in California).

So where are these guys? The guys who are far from superficial and who aren't looking for a quick fuck? WHERE?! I digress...back to the point. Where does one look or go to find the guy for them? Do we have to chance meeting our perfect guy as we're walking down the street? In the men's section of your favorite store? A local hang out? I definitely am not the type to hit the gay scene or go to bars in general. I think I've tired of playing games after doing all my partying in college. I feel I have put myself more out there even by answering ads on CL (even my best friend said that's completely out of character for me). My bi friend says to be careful too. I can say that I have met one guy. But in all honesty, no offense to him, not my cup of tea. First time meeting someone through CL. It wasn't too awkward, having met in public. Definitely need to continue throwing myself out there without getting too much attention.

I don't think I'm terribly handsome or in this case VGL. I think I'm quite average looking, possibly even cute if categorized. I have my moments. In all honesty, I just wanna meet a decent guy, who's not crazy, not totally into himself, or too terribly into the scene. I'm quite complacent sitting at home, watching a movie and cuddling with my man. Is that so hard? Well, gotta keep on trying right? Maybe I'll get lucky and find the man of my dreams. Speaking of men...I'll blog about that next entry.

fI

P.S. To confirm (well not completely) my accusations of superficiality, read this article here, a case study by a blogger regarding the CL community. Quite some poignant results to his albeit skewed results. Also check this other web article regarding bloggers in general and how "smart" we all really are and how linking back to one's blog from another site proves it's quality quotient. And thanks go out to Matt of Debriefing The Boys for letting me add him to my blog links! :D