The "R" word...

So I am befuddled...

Why is the word "Relationship" such an off putting topic?!

Seems like alot of the guys out here in LA are so put off with being monogamous and just want to literally fuck around all time. I don't get it! It's like no one wants to be in a relationship; and yet those do, want to take their time. Fine, I understand you gotta make sure you two are compatible, appreciate each other's time and what have you. Granted, there are those who are scared about committing. That really bothers me...

Case in point. So, DM and I had entertained his idea of grabbing dinner at Mark's Restaurant a few Mondays ago. So he finally gets back to me and confirms he can do it. So then I was like great it's a dinner date. Which did not set well with him. He stated that it's not a date cause we're not dating. He knows I like him, but before he stated we're just friends for now. Okay, I accept that. But honestly a dinner date, does not mean we're dating. It's just that, a dinner date. It doesn't entail anything other than us having dinner. I didn't get what the big deal was.

Rebuttle. Then we hung out last weekend, caught a free screening on the movie lot (it was horrible!!! Don't ever see Meet the Spartans...so NOT worth it! Thankfully saw it for free! :P) then had dinner at Sonora Cafe. Which was a great place BTW! :D Anyways, so we got there early for our reservation and we go and have some drinks at the bar until our table was called. He tells me about a date he had with this younger guy from the CL ad he put up. He called that a date?! Um...okay...why won't he let me validate our times hanging out as dates?! Am I missing something here?!

Furthermore, I asked him out for Valentine's Day. I didn't call it a date in fear of labeling it would put him off from the whole idea. He said yes, but I've so far only acknowledged it as "hanging out." I really like him and, honestly, why would I ask if I wasn't interested? He asked me why him [as my v-day choice] and of course I said, "Cause you're an awesome guy and I enjoy hanging out with you." Clearly, I like him...I guess he wanted to hear me say it.

I wanted to see him this weekend too, but he had work today. I understand that. Work is important and I would never want to get in the way of it. And then tomorrow he is doing work from home whilst watching the Superbowl. I had hoped he would invite me over to just hang out and watch while he worked, but I guess that too might be troublesome since he has to focus on his work. That's fine. I'm okay with that. Maybe I'm just being a bit too needy at this point. I dunno?

Well, we'll see how this upcoming Saturday goes as he's attending my birthday celebration. If any of you that I know are in LA, let me know and I'll let you know where it's at if you wanna partake on the festivities. It should be fun!!! I really, really like DM. I just wish he would let me know if he feels the same way or if I'm just leading myself on. I know he said "just friends, for now," but that is so open ended!!! >:O Maybe I need to ask him like I did with MG (the guy who runs his own business). I'll have to think about that...Maybe on v-day...good a time as any right?! :T

Pardon the incongruity of this post...More soon on other things from this past month...but this has been on my mind as of late and I needed a sounding board...

fI

Only in Los Angeles...

Okay, so today, I had left work early and was out shopping with my buddy J#1 at H&M at the Beverly Center.

So we walk in and I'm milling around looking at the square cut boxers along the back wall next to the dressing room. As I'm admiring the wall and looking at all the pairs of undies, this guy walks up, brownish red hair, chiseled features and ripped body. I, of course, start staring at him. As I get a closer look, I realize who it is. Brent Corrigan!!! THE Brent Corrigan!!! I walked over to my friend and I was like "I just another porn star. Third one so far!" And he was like, "Well that's pretty sad you recognize him." Jerk haha...I love him for his sarcasm! I shrugged him off and I was like I'm going to go ask him if its him.

So I trailed around to the other side of the men's section and find him trying on some red sunglasses. I hesistate a little and then I approach him, "Are you Brent Corrigan, [mumbled] David Lockhart?" (I know I fucked up, his real name is Sean Lockhart.) "Um, sometimes..." "Oh okay...cool. I thought I recognized you." As I proceed to walk away he says to me, "What's your name?" "Bry[an], nice to meet you." "Nice meeting you too." Awkward. More so for him than myself as I obviously didn't give a flying fuck at the moment, but after that I left him alone. After he shook my hand I noticed his friend that was with him smirked. Bet he was surprised I recognized him!

Anyways, for your viewing pleasure...



More photos here.

Apparently, I watch too much porn according to J#1; but in reality I'm just really, really good at recognizing faces.

That is all for now...Sadly, it seems I can whittle out posts like these in an instant, but can't bring myself to blog about my parents confronting me and me coming out to them...christ! I will find some time this weekend!!! I swear!!! :(

fI

Shit!

Hey gang!

Sorry I've been MIA...I've been meaning to blog but unfortunately work has kept me busy and my personal life has picked up a bit. I still need to tell you about my coming out story that happened during my Thanksgiving weekend! I apologize to all you faithful readers (what few of you I have left)!

So I will try to take the time this weekend and post a little something something for you all! ;)

fI

Mission: Critical!!!

HUGE News...HUGE!!!

I am now officially, completely out...My parents know!!!

Updates and complete story soon!!! :D

fI

P.S. Okay I sound excited but it was a good and bad experience...

Busy, busy, busy...

This is going to be a longer post than usual! I need to catch up on alot of recent events...

So first of all I need to recap on my second time attending the So Cal Social Club mixer that was on October 24, 2007.

This was THE best mixer so far for me, because I came out of my shell. I vowed to not let the same thing happen to me again or anyone else for that matter. I got there a bit early and Luciano (the founder of the So Cal Social Club) made fun of me! But my excuse is that work is literally down the street and no one was in the office anymore so there was no point in me sitting at work doing nothing. So in the beginning I noticed someone was in the same predicatment as I was in my first attendance, so I started talking to them (we'll call him W). And we got to talking for a while, then met his friend (we'll call him MG and who I am now friends with on a more casual basis). Met a whole bunch of new people (which I will get to in a minute). Not to mention showed my pop culture buffness during the game we played in the discussion group that evening (is it sad that I know what The Rugrats were/are?!). It was great this time around meeting everyone and seeing a few familiar faces here and there (not to mention the jerk who tried to get me on the pyramid scheme...). Anyways good times all around, and then the fruit flies showed up so we bounced and hit up The Abbey for some drinks, hummus and meeting up with their friend/former band mate. We shot the shit and hung out for a bit before I went home.

Then there was the Men of Laguna Beach calendar signing this past Tuesday. Pictures are worth a thousand words...so here's some pictures to keep this part short:

Then again afterwards had dinner with the fruit flies at The Abbey, yet again! Haha...Everyone says I should just move to WeHo...eventually!!!

Anyways, this weekend was great as well!!! Yesterday, hung out with the other fruit fly from Orange County and her brother. We spent the afternoon shopping at The Grove where I proceeded to spend the $200 I won from our bet of whomever lost the closest to 20 pounds in 2 months. I got some amazing jeans from Lucky Jeans, which cost $114 ($123 after tax)...a good portion of my budget. But the best thing is...I tried on the jeans...a 36...they were HUGE!!! I could fit my whole fist into the waist band! So then the sales girl suggest a 33...tried them on. THEY FIT!!! Can you imagine...size 33s!!! And they totally showed off my ass really well!!! I couldn't stop being giddy about my ass being shown off by these jeans! I <3>

Onto yesterday evening where I met up with a newfound friend (we'll call him CS) from the So Cal Social Club. We had some great emails back and forth and not to mention some really good phone conversations over the past week. It's refreshing! Definitely learning to take things as they are and not expecting too much out of the guys I met as of late. I have to say though, J#2 was such a mistake in all respects. Anyways, moved on from that. So last night we had dinner at Hamburger Mary's. Never, ever order the Chicken Pot Pie...it's not good at all! CS enjoyed his All American stuffed hamburger...lucky him! hahaha Not to mention the very chatty waiter...he was hot! :D Had drink #1...Stolli Blueberry and 7UP... We then make our way over to The Abbey and Luciano was there, but no Chad so I was a bit sad! :( Thing is Luciano was "still waking up" he said and he never hooks it up. Had drink #2...Irish Car Bombs... CS commented about how long it took...but I did defend Luciano...despite CS's displeasure and the story he told me about him and Luciano. We bid Luciano adieu and headed over to Here. Met up with CS's friend J and J's BF. Had drink #3...Mind Eraser... We sat outside and chatted it up a bit with some great stories from CS and J. And CS brought up Chad and lucky for me J knew who I was talking about and I was happy and elated! We then proceeded back in for the guys to use the restroom and we got more drinks... Had drink #4...German Chocolate Cake Shot (although the bartender made them wrong)... We stayed inside where the music was playing and I started dancing cause I was feeling the music. Shook my ass in my new jeans in front of CS and J's boyfriend, who then proceeded to comment that I should be on the go go platform! Hahaha...I was waaay drunk by this point! :X So then another round ensued! Had drink #5...Another Stolli Bluberry & 7UP... Although at first I was drinking it and mentioned it tasted gnarly...then it was realized I had J's boyfriend's drink! Haha... After a few more minutes we lost CS so we went a searchin' for him and found him at the patio bar. J's boyfriend suggested they get me a water as I was clearly inebriated by that point. So I chugged down my water and we step out of Here onto Robertson. We say our goodbye's to J and J's Boyfriend whom were really great to hang out with! We walked back to the car and I'm clearly unable to walk straight for a good portion of the walk back. Luckily CS was sober (I hope...I couldn't tell really) and drove us back to his place. We searched for parking and found a spot a few blocks down the hill. We step out of the car and myself all giggly we walked (read: I staggered, he walked) to his place...and CS had to pee into the bush cause he couldn't hold it in any longer...then I proceeded to follow suit becuase I couldn't hold it in either! So we make it to his place and I finally met his beautiful doggie! SO cute! CS gets me to chug down 2 glasses of water before I knocked out on his couch at nearly 1AM.

This morning I woke up at nearly 7:30AM and proceeded in and out of consciousness up until 8:30AM when CS awoke and walked his doggie. Then we caught some of Better Half and then headed over to get some Starbucks with the doggie. Got me a ginger bread latte (kinda tasted a bit burnt) and CS got a peppermint mocha with 5 extra shots. We then proceeded to search for my car and we found it pretty quick...said our goodbyes and I made my way home...

And now here I am typing this blog and waiting for my laundry to dry...and I seriously need to pick up my place as it's a hot mess right now. Okay enough of this...Catch up with you bitches soon!

fI

Halloween + WeHo + Alcohol = Debauchery!!!, Part 02...

So where was I? Oh yah...

It was pretty croweded at Here Lounge that evening, as was everywhere else in WeHo that night!

After our drinks my coworkers and I decided to dance a bit on the dance floor. It was great! The music was really good and my coworkers complimented me on my dancing! *blush* hah...anyways! So we do that for a bit, then we wandered out into the patio to see if I could find my said boy (I'll have to decide if I want to say his real name and such as the other day he sent out a mass mailing that he was featured in a publication. And he's not really mine per se...). No luck there. The girls then decided they needed to use the restroom. So I milled around by myself a bit and in the process: one guy talked to me about my costume (that he was that two years in a row starting from last year...he was cute! Why didn't I talk to him more? I dunno), got gropped once by some guy dressed in some military fatigues (I couldn't tell if he was cute or not as he had a ton of face makeup on and it was dark, and I had breezed past him), and not to mention oogling all the shirtless guys all over the place (see previous post and slideshow at the end of this entry).

It's a good while that I'm milling around alone and then said boy finally arrives with his friends and roomie that I met at the mixer (I still need to talk about that night). Give him and his roomie a hug and they proceeded to the restrooms (what is my life!). So I wait around near the restrooms to no avail and then wandered my way back out to the patio to find my coworkers after growing tired of waiting. Oh and in between waiting I recognized my THIRD amatuer Porn Star!!! His name is Miguel/Nick (or so I read as he named himself when posing for Playgirl). Here's some photos of him:

So my coworkers and I are sitting in the corner admiring the boys and in particular the one dressed as Wolverine (again, see previous post and slideshow). We gropped him in the ass as well as his friend (?) whom we saw him make out with a bit shortly afterwards. Then my coworkers started chatting with two guys, David (a PHD candidate at UCLA) and Joey (a Masters candidate at UCLA as well, whom David tells us was his ex). Joey had a really nice body (as you can see in the slideshow) and David wasn't afraid of pulling up Joey's shirt and feeling him (neither was I). I gave Joey my business card much to the chagrin of my coworker. So we chatted them up for a while and I decided to leave the crazy of Here Lounge to the uber crazy of Santa Monica Blvd.

I then met up with another friend who has a striking resemblence to Katherine McPhee (runner up of American Idol Season 5, I think) and her friend who was dressed up as the Morton Salt girl. We meandered down the street to try a few bars like Fiesta Cantina (which was too crowded) and EastWest (which we ended up not going into after having been in line for 10 minutes...we were nearly to the door). Instead we opted to head back to my office to try to grab someting to eat at Swingers or Mel's Diner. So we walk back the 4 blocks to the office (blocks meaning lights, so it was more than 4 blocks) but by the time we got there I was plum tuckered out and the girls could see it in my body language despite my saying I was okay. So we called it a night. I drove them back to their car and my beaten body back to my apartment in the valley.

All in all, a fun night, albeit over the top crazy. Too crazy...maybe even for me...but never say never, right? Enjoy the photos below...Still need to recap the mixer I went to a few weeks back before the next one on November 21st and also a nice dinner I had with a good friend last night at The Abbey...

Slideshow of my censored photos (those of which don't include frontal shots of people I know)



fI

P.S. Props to Matt of Debriefing the Boys for spotting me out and about on Wednesday...Quite the elusive guy he is! :D

Halloween + WeHo + Alcohol = Debauchery!!!, Part 01...

OMG! Last night was a night of infamy! Across the board not only for myself but for my coworkers who I hung out with in WeHo for Halloween! It was out of control to say the least!

So yesterday was a bit crazed because I had to go from a team lunch to North Hollywood for a Client party and then back to Beverly Hills to meet up with coworkers at the office.

Got all that craziness accomplished (not to mention several cute boys along the way: one who had his undies exposed while sitting [picture to be uploaded] at lunch at Izakaya and then at the Client party in the Ghostbusters outfit [no picture, unfortunately]), my coworkers and I made our way over to Santa Monica Blvd at 6PM to have dinner at Skewers. Great food as always...I managed to get down a Cantaloupe Martini.

We make our way back out and end up going to a pre-party all the way on Orlando and 3rd, actually off of Blackburn via a $20 cab ride. Yes, $20. The cabbie wouldn't shut up about how much we would pay him. We get there and I met a few "new" coworkers (and by new I mean I've seen them around but never officially met them) and had a shot of Jameson & Baileys (is that a Buttery Nipple?!), a Miller Lite, then another shot of just Jameson. Gawd, I was feeling it after all that. Everyone at the pre-party filed out onto the street and two of my coworkers decided we wanted to head back to WeHo. Luckily (strangely?!), we found the same cabbie had come back and was just down the street from where he dropped us off. Another $20 cab ride...

So we get back and head over to Here Lounge because a boy said he'd be there (and I then later found out he wasn't even there yet! *sigh*). So we get in after about a 15-20 minute wait in line and a $5 cover charge. Not bad! So we get some more drinks, I had an Oatmeal Cookie on the rocks the bartender (dressed as Tarzan) ended up comping to my coworker. I guess she "cute"-ed her way to get that one! :P Anyways, so this is where the night gets crazier for me and my coworkers...

Okay fuck...this is gonna have to be a two parter...more tomorrow! It's too fucking late for me right now and I'm plum tuckered out! Until then...

fI

P.S. That initial picture should whet your appetites for the rest of the story to follow...I have no idea what that guy's name was, but he had a gorgeous body and a nice ass to go with it! :D If you look closely...my arm trails down...somewhere... Oh and not to mention I spotted another amateur Porn Star!!! (Former according to him...more on that later...)

I've got a case of the J's...

So I apparently have too many boys I'm into that have their name start with the letter J.

First there's J1, whom, I can proudly say, I am able to be friends with. After having met him at speed dating in the beginning of August, I started chatting him up over AIM in the beginning of October. He was straightforward with me and said that he'd be okay with us being friends. At first it was a bit hard to do so, but I finally got over the attraction. We hung out at the mall, chat online alot of the time during work hours and I've hung out at his place. Right now, I feel we're in a really good place as far as our friendship; it's burgeoning to be a long lasting friendship.

Then there's J2, whom I also met at speed dating, but he's playing so many damn games! He has social ADD as I have experienced when I decided to go out with him and his friends the other Saturday evening. Long story short, after having danced somewhat intimately with him, he asks me if I like him. I nod in agreement and he follows with, "only as friends, right?" BURN!!! So then we exit the club without his friends (a guy and a girl) and he says to me that he's seeing the guy we left behind with his friends. DOUBLE BURN!!! UGH...the next day I was quite annoyed with the games J2 played, so I was quite curt with him that Sunday morning. Hanging out with J2 three days in a row was a REALLY bad idea.

And finally J3, randomly sought him out on facebook. How shallow, I know. But he's completely gorgeous albeit a cynic. I've fallen in love with his musical taste (as per his playlist on his myspace) and I enjoy our conversations. Although he's miles away, I'm hoping that when he gets back in town, he'll be open to grabbing something to eat or drink to just get to talking. He says he's a bad boy friend, reason being that he's all about pleasing himself and not particularly caring about the person he's with. Also taht he hates explaining himself more than once. He continues to say he's a jerk, but I feel it's a wall he's built up and I'm quite enamored by him, physically and mentally. Hopefully, in due time, we'll see where it goes...

Okay so next topic on the list is talking about the So Cal Social Club mixer #2 for me...it was actually a really great time this time around. REALLY great time...

fI

I'm Seeing Stars...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Let down...

/Start Soapbox

Hrm...one thing I am quite annoyed about at the moment is when people cancel at the last minute, the day of when you made plans.

It fuckin' sucks!!! >:O

After being cancelled on all week by various parties, I've kinda had it up to here *holds hand way past above head*

I'm just sick and tired of it this week...go away everyone!!! Get the fuck away from me!

/End Soapbox

With that off my chest, some interesting developments as of late. The Crush, is totally definitely in friend territory, only. Found out that his boy toy of 19 years old, he met/hooked up with the same weekend I had started talking to him since I last had a run in with him in the beginning of August. What I find interesting is what he said last Saturday while we were shopping together (he came up to the valley to hang out). He said "I need to date someone my own age." Why? "Because then that person would have their own money." To which I was pleasantly surprised (but it was more like a "DUH!", if anything)! And he had said earlier that morning in a text that the boy was showing his age. Um...hello! He's 19 years old, yes he's going to show his age! (Mind you, The Crush is 26...or as he likes to say, "Just turned 26," like it matters *rolls eyes*). Anyways, I thought I was getting over him on Saturday, but then when he came to hang out, I unfortunately let my guard down and started to fall for him again. FUCK ME...right?! And I'm admitting this cause, I don't think I can be friends with him much longer as its kind of difficult for me. I wear my heart on my sleeve as some of you may know and I get hurt easy. Pretty pathetic, huh?

I've tried to occupy my time with trying to find more potential suitors, but alas my luck is non existenent...

Anyways I digress...I still have to talk about the now annoying "non-date" the other week. So cliff notes version (cause I'm honestly running out of patience to tell the story in whole):

Guy from So Cal Social Club calls and asks to set a day and time to hang out >> strange questions and situations (e.g. like him bringing his laptop with him) make me wonder >> get to said hang out day and location and have normal conversation over dinner >> turns out he was just using me to try to get me into his pyramid scheme!!!

ASSHOLE!!! For those of you outside of the US, click on the link for info. Anyways...over him...I'll be cordial if I run into him at the next mixer, but I will not EVER hang out with him EVER again. NEVER EVER!!!

Anyways...I should probably sleep. I'm one big bitch right now and even me blogging is making me cranky. Alright you fuckers...talk to you later...g'nite!

fI

Only in the valley...

As some of you may or may not know, I live in the valley, or it's other moniker is that it is the porn capital of the world (not sure if that still stands in this day and age). Anyway, I have a point for this post.

Yesterday afternoon, I was at Costco to pick up a perscription for some medicine and got back to my car. Sure, normal; yes. I pulled out of my spot and start to make my way out to the exit to meet up with my The Crush (story on that later). I start to pass this blue car, I think it was a Honda Civic and noticed the guy...he looked really familiar. As I continue to fixate my gaze on this guy who had the most handsome features I begin to realize I have seen him before...he's a gay porn star!!! I unfortunately did not snap a picture of him while he was on the phone in his car, but if I'm right, this is him:

Johnny Castle (Brock), himself!!! I swear it was him! I'm really, really good (and notorious) for picking out famous people or what have you out in public and I swear I saw him! Those same features and scruffy jaw line, I swear it was him. He is HOT!!! Maybe I should have gone back and parked and followed him into the store for confirmation...but, alas I had to get to the mall to meet with The Crush...

fI

Reminiscing, Part 02...

Day 02, September 01 -

This day was awesome cause I got to sit down and talk with the creator of my favorite musical (Altar Boyz!!!) of all time, Ken Davenport!!! I was uber excited as he agreed to meet me half an hour before having to street time for his other new production, My First Time. I piqued his interest in the duration of our conversation with the knowledge I have on the advertising industry, in particular Google AdWords. I got to ask him questions as well about nuances of my fave musical and what have you. It was definitely a great meeting of the minds, normally it would have cost me "wafers" (see here for the "wafers" reference) but I got lucky! :D Anyways, I digress. Us street teamers finally headed out of the office towards Broadway clad in shirts that say "Ask Me About My First Time." Quite awkward if you ask me! But in the spirit of things...It wasn't so awkward...I think the looks I got while wearing the shirt and trying to pass out flyers and pins were worse! Haha! Not to mention the heat that day with a black shirt was definitely not something one should do...I think they need to get white shirts from now on...theyr'e cheaper too! :X So after two hours of that, we headed back to the office on 49th and I talked a bit more with Ken! Even got a free ticket to his new show My First Time (more on this later but let me tell ya it was great!). If you're ever in New York and want tickets to the show, wander down Broadway and 46th, next to the Bank of America ATMs and ask for Jeramy, one of the street teamers with binders and tell him Bry sent ya! :D He has discounted tickets for both Altar Boyz and My First Time!

Later that evening I went to see another musical (yes I know...this would be #3 during my vacation) called Naked Boys Singing. And they were NOT kidding when they say Naked!!! 7-8 guys show up on stage wearing NOTHING at all. With only their wits about them, they pranced, danced, pirouted around stage with their willies hanging out for all to see and oogle! My mouth (not for that reason you perverts!) was agape the whole time! It was a sight to see! There were two (one of which I will get to in a second) that were well endowed! But one in particular really caught my eye; his name is Spencer Gates. He was quite the looker! He was gorgeous! Drop dead! (More about him in a second) Anyways, show lasted about an hour, hour and a half as a musical reveue of various different songs about being naked, getting circumsized, masturbation...you name it, it was probably a topic of one of the songs they sang! It was better than seeing Thunder Down Under I would think, but I have yet to compare the two (I will by next February for a bachelorette party!). So that show ended and I was out in the lobby when Spencer makes his way out, avoiding any eye contact and looking towards the ground. Again my mouth was agape; frozen, wanting to ask him for a photo, clothed, but felt like the ultimate pervert if I did. The gaggle of 'Mos who were also in the lobby, giggled in delight as Spencer made his exit. How do they do it day in day out? Lucky for them, Naked Boys Singing only plays on Fridays at 10:30PM & Saturday at 6PM and 10:30PM.

Next, I saw My First Time. It was great how there was audience participation in the sense that when you went to sit in your seat there was a voluntary questionairre you could fill out with a branded pen. You filled it out about your sexual experiences and an usher came around to pick them up from you. If your story were good enough, it may be chosen as one of the ones read by the actors on stage. Interestingly enough, they compiled all the date you filled out and throughout the show they had a slideshow that had updated information about how many virgins were in the theatre, percentages and stats across the board. It was interesting! The two male actors, Bill Dawes and Josh Heine, were hot as hell! Especially Bill, who was popping out of his read t-shirt and sport coat. Dreamy! The stories were retold in the style of the Vagina Monologues and consisted of stories ranging from gay and straight, abuse, pleasure, situations, etc. All the recollections were used from a website that people around the world submitted anonymously. It was definitely an interesting show to say the least!

This day was one of my longer days as I was out of the place I was staying for most of the day. It was great seeing both these shows, especially Naked Boys Singing! *gushes* :D

*EDIT: I forgot to mention the rest of my evening: dinner with the boys and Fat Cat in Chelsea! Will add it tomorrow!

Next on the plate, Day 03...but that's for tomorrow! Hope some of you are enjoying the recollection of my trip, otherwise for posterity!

fI

Duet To It...

Something About You - Matthew "Bucky" Buckner with firstimpre55ion...

Add to My Profile | More Videos


fI

*Sigh*tings...

On my way down Time Square, I managed to see a mob gathering around and a ton of paparazzi swarming with that crowd...I go in for a closer look...and I spot him...HIM!!!

"Hey, Blake!" *poses* (you don't see that in my pic, but he did pose for me!!! :D)

The end result to the left! :D And thank you Blake Lewis, for being so hot! ;)





And speaking of more news...saw Altar Boyz again for the second time and second day in a row! :D

L to R: Landon Beard, Matthew Buckner,
Jay Garcia, Ryan J. Ratliff and myself
(not pictured, Ryan Strand).

fI

Pop...Goes My Heart!

In the words of Hott Porter (aka Scott Porter of Friday Night Lights fame) and Hugh Grant, definitely had a crushing moment this past Friday.

Let's start with previous Friday first, as it set a precedence. Again, I marked that evening with a similar routine of going to WeHo and patronizing my usual spots of Rage, Fiesta Cantina and The Abbey (and not particularly in that order). But what makes this night different, from all the other nights, is that I took my Lil Bro from my fraternity with me. Or rather, he finally came to hang out cause he was already nearby in Pasadena. And thankfully to that right, I nearly had an uneventful night but the Lil Bro saved it and still wanted to go out! Thankfully! So we popped his WeHo cherry and I took him to the usual watering holes: a mojito at the Abbey, good eats and too many drinks at Fiesta Cantina, and dancing the rest of the night away at Rage. The only spotty instance was at Fiesta Cantina, with the waiter totally ignoring our existance for 15 minutes, but lucky for myself and my Lil Bro, Billy came to our rescue despite risking getting in trouble for getting us drinks. Thank you Billy! ;) Our night got better, as we ran into several people we knew at Rage and proceeded to dance it up with them for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, my Lil Bro had work in the morning so we called it an early night.

Fast forward to this Friday, again a similar night, but not so similiar in many instances. On the drive down that evening, I called Dandy and found out they weren't leaving for a whole 'nother 45 minutes later (it was 9:30PM at the time) because their ride was not yet off from work (met the bloke later, he was a sweet guy in his fourth year of college...wow, I feel old!!! :T). I then proceeded to call Lil Bro who thankfully decidedly came out to party again that evening. I get there early and wait for my Lil Bro. I debated whether on venturing alone or waiting for him to arrive; I chose the latter. With not much to do til then, I called around and tried to catch up with people since, as of late, I've been really bad at doing so. After a good half hour of this, Lil Bro arrived and we proceeded to make our rounds: first to Rage for $12 wristbands; next off to The Abbey where I proceeded to down an Irish Car Bomb; then to Fiesta Cantina for the 2 for 1's and some munchies. Billy was there as usual, but the first floor was crowded, so we made our way up to the second floor and we find Jesse, the other cute waiter at Fiesta Cantina...waaaaay cuter than Billy I might add. As a matter of fact here's a pic of Jesse and I from a few weeks back:


Jesse definitely worked hard for the money this evening! He checked on us often, which I appreciated...He's amazing! I slipped him my business card along with our check. He totally deserved the huge tip I gave him. Thanks Jesse ;) By this time, finally, The Crush and Dandy made it over to Fiesta. And we chatted it up. Dandy was quite drunk and so was The Crush. Can someone call me a pirate cause I was searching for treasure all over The Crush's body. So, some back story on The Crush...remember way back when I had a helicopter ride last October? Well that's the crush who graciously took me 1,000 feet into the air. I found out days before that he's come out of the closet; which was much to my elation! Unfortunately, in the end, I had no affect on him...more on that in a second. We make our way to Rage and try to dance, but Dandy and friends wanna go to The Abbey, so Lil Bro and I oblige. We make our way back over again and I continued to have my hands all over The Crush during the trek. There were definitely some other lookers in Dandy's gaggle of friends, in particular Peter; cute asian guy who had an amazing personality. Too bad he has a boyfriend (such is my luck). We continue to drink at The Abbey where I added to my drink list a Mind Eraser (along with what I had previously of the Irish Car Bomb, Margarita with Petron [which was REALLY strong] and finally the two Amaretto sours). We hung around a bit and much to my dismay, The Crush was busy texting his ex who was also in the area and was proceeding to Rage as we lounged at The Abbey. We all finally finished up and headed back to Rage at 1:15AM-ish. We get there and The Crush proceeds to hook back up with his ex. HIS EX!!! And I emphasize, his Ex. Dandy did warn me that he even tried to get with The Crush without much luck; so for me to try was definitely futile as Dandy is a beautiful piece of man. He's gorgeous! Anyways haha...Cut to the end, the evening ended with Dandy getting friendly with a friend of his and The Crush embracing/teeth cleaning his ex. UGH! As the Lil Bro said, "This is awkward." Most definitely!!!

As far as the rest of the weekend, caught Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on the movie studio lot, which was amazing! Thanks to friend from NY for hanging out and catching up over a free movie. Also went to visit a friend who worked on the lot before we all parted ways. And the rest of last night was catching up with ESJ as we haven't chatted online like we did last night and it was nice. I missed him. Not to mention amongst other things! ;) haha...Okay I better get showered. Parents wanna grab lunch before I shove off early this afternoon. Talk to you bitches soon! :P

fI

P.S. That first picture is of Patrick Wilson since I was watching Little Children. And the bottom picture is of Scott "Hott" Porter and Hugh Grant in Music and Lyrics which I also managed to watch.

Sooner than later or later than sooner?!

So I need to get my head sorted out...and here is likely the best place as any (not to mention none of my personnel support is up/around/available)...

Like I've mentioned previously, I'm totally coming to terms with things and am finding great comfort in just being completely honest and open with friends about myself and, in particular, my persuasion.

This weekend was no exception. Thursday, whilst at the International San Diego Comic Con, I happened upon the Lionsgate booth and while perusing with my college friend, Bub, the booth model caught my eye. He was gorgeous! Over 6', muscular and olive skinned. Beautiful. (I may just post this photograph of myself and the model for my big revealing...which I will discuss further below. *edit: cropped [for the time being] and posted above! :D). After being transfixed, I dragged Bub around the booth and continue past it. It was then I thought to myself, I'll just tell him now, as I really wanted my pic snapped with the said model. So I disclose and Bub, despite being a little shocked, was completely fine with it. We circled back and he snapped my photo with the model.

Interestingly enough, the incident above made the whole weekend easier for me as I didn't have to hide anything with Bub and he asked me what my ratio split is between guys and girls; and the answer to that is 70/30...which made me wonder...is there such a thing as gay-curious?! Since there's bi-curious; is there such thing as straight-curious (for ex-gays maybe?! Is there such thing as that as well?!)? Definitely perplexing...maybe I am totally gay and not just bi? I digress (this blog post is become a flow of consciousness at the moment)...

Anyways, before I rattle on, I should give more back story about why all this self-exploration is coming about. Last week, I partied in WeHo again for the umpteenth time; hitting up Rage, Fiesta Cantina and The Abbey. This evening started off my boldness, amongst other things. Liquid Courage was definitely an important part of that evening, as it helped me loosen up and get pretty out there. In my drunken state I: took a photo with the hot, (unfortunately I found out) straight security guard at The Abbey (he let me in the previous time sans my ID), let Dandy (friend from college who had been openly gay and told me after having first met him a long time ago) give me a lap dance (it was really nice btw! :D) as well as he and I grinding it on the dance floor (good times! ;D). Had an awesome evening and we topped it off at Swingers Diner as I still needed to sober up and drive home (at 3am mind you! :X).

*WARNING: It may get graphic starting in the next paragraph...you have been warned!!! :P

Fast forward to the next evening...I had finished with a friend's engagement party and it was decided us kids in attendance would hit Starbucks for some refreshments. So I headed off with a friend (*note: Straight boy) who hitched a ride to Starbucks, albeit early and we were the first arrivals. So we chit chat in the car and take a look at the photos from the previous evening. So we finish that and then I decided to get a bit frisky with this friend and put my hand on his upper thigh (mind you, we are still sitting in the car, about 20 feet from people in public and no, my windows are not tinted). I then worked my way further up, to his balls (which caused him to jerk back, for lack of a better word, in effect) and then I began to feel around thus finding what I was looking for. I start rubbing him through his shorts and query him, "So is this doing anything for you?". I continued rubbing him through his shorts, made some comment about unzipping him on the spot and he then tried to stop me by flicking my hand jokingly (?) to stop doing what I was doing. So I did. Then some friends did finally show up and the friend, after my prodding, did not want to head in to the store, so I put my hand back on his upper thigh and continued on my conquest. After this second visit, said friend decided it was time we got out of the car...end Bold Moment #1.

Next Scene: Bold Moment #2 - Setting: The next day. To get the pun out of the way, A1 Steak Sauce definitely has nothing on me, thanks to this day. Now with another friend (he's Bi), I tell the story of yesterday's antics and said friend makes it apparent he is getting hard from the retelling and redemonstration of said events. So friend queries me if I want to see it, seeing how he was already hard from the transpirings of previous events; so I agree. We mutually decide it's a "Show me yours, I'll show you mine" type of deal. So we both unzip and begin handling each other's goodies. I begin to notice that I'm enjoying this mutualistic moment more than friend. So in all fairness I asked him if he was nervous/okay and I swear I could totally hear him swallow the lump in his throat; we decided it went further than it should have and we both rezipped. That was the end of that...for now; at least according to that friend.

So I'm getting completely confused and discombobulated. I disclosed all this to ToBF and he made a good observation that "[I'm] probably making up for lost time." Which I think is definitely a spot-on description of what's happening as of late. But, back again to the assessment of my current situation. Can I be gay-curious? I think I'm completely beyond being bi and feeling things out. But before I decide, I think I need to figure out all the feelings in my head and that will also come along with my revealing.

So I'm completely done with hiding myself and I would totally be fine being out in the open and I think my confidence would completely be boosted if I completely reveal myself...August. That's soon...I will tell all (more?) then...

To be continued...

fI