The "R" word...

So I am befuddled...

Why is the word "Relationship" such an off putting topic?!

Seems like alot of the guys out here in LA are so put off with being monogamous and just want to literally fuck around all time. I don't get it! It's like no one wants to be in a relationship; and yet those do, want to take their time. Fine, I understand you gotta make sure you two are compatible, appreciate each other's time and what have you. Granted, there are those who are scared about committing. That really bothers me...

Case in point. So, DM and I had entertained his idea of grabbing dinner at Mark's Restaurant a few Mondays ago. So he finally gets back to me and confirms he can do it. So then I was like great it's a dinner date. Which did not set well with him. He stated that it's not a date cause we're not dating. He knows I like him, but before he stated we're just friends for now. Okay, I accept that. But honestly a dinner date, does not mean we're dating. It's just that, a dinner date. It doesn't entail anything other than us having dinner. I didn't get what the big deal was.

Rebuttle. Then we hung out last weekend, caught a free screening on the movie lot (it was horrible!!! Don't ever see Meet the Spartans...so NOT worth it! Thankfully saw it for free! :P) then had dinner at Sonora Cafe. Which was a great place BTW! :D Anyways, so we got there early for our reservation and we go and have some drinks at the bar until our table was called. He tells me about a date he had with this younger guy from the CL ad he put up. He called that a date?! Um...okay...why won't he let me validate our times hanging out as dates?! Am I missing something here?!

Furthermore, I asked him out for Valentine's Day. I didn't call it a date in fear of labeling it would put him off from the whole idea. He said yes, but I've so far only acknowledged it as "hanging out." I really like him and, honestly, why would I ask if I wasn't interested? He asked me why him [as my v-day choice] and of course I said, "Cause you're an awesome guy and I enjoy hanging out with you." Clearly, I like him...I guess he wanted to hear me say it.

I wanted to see him this weekend too, but he had work today. I understand that. Work is important and I would never want to get in the way of it. And then tomorrow he is doing work from home whilst watching the Superbowl. I had hoped he would invite me over to just hang out and watch while he worked, but I guess that too might be troublesome since he has to focus on his work. That's fine. I'm okay with that. Maybe I'm just being a bit too needy at this point. I dunno?

Well, we'll see how this upcoming Saturday goes as he's attending my birthday celebration. If any of you that I know are in LA, let me know and I'll let you know where it's at if you wanna partake on the festivities. It should be fun!!! I really, really like DM. I just wish he would let me know if he feels the same way or if I'm just leading myself on. I know he said "just friends, for now," but that is so open ended!!! >:O Maybe I need to ask him like I did with MG (the guy who runs his own business). I'll have to think about that...Maybe on v-day...good a time as any right?! :T

Pardon the incongruity of this post...More soon on other things from this past month...but this has been on my mind as of late and I needed a sounding board...

fI

Shit!

Hey gang!

Sorry I've been MIA...I've been meaning to blog but unfortunately work has kept me busy and my personal life has picked up a bit. I still need to tell you about my coming out story that happened during my Thanksgiving weekend! I apologize to all you faithful readers (what few of you I have left)!

So I will try to take the time this weekend and post a little something something for you all! ;)

fI

Mission: Critical!!!

HUGE News...HUGE!!!

I am now officially, completely out...My parents know!!!

Updates and complete story soon!!! :D

fI

P.S. Okay I sound excited but it was a good and bad experience...

Sometimes...

Strangely enough today...I felt quite lonely. I ended up staying at work late, alone to try to get some work done (because honestly, I barely did any work all day even though I got in at 7:45AM after working out with J#1, ate my breakfast upstairs in the cafe, had a long lunch out for my coworker's birthday, a meeting we arrived late to due to lunch, et all). Sitting there at my desk, all of a suddent I was washed over with a huge feeling of loneliness. I think my being a social butterly takes its toll on me mentally. That's not to say I'm not happy and fine being alone from time to time, but there are times when you just wish you had someone or some place you could go and not feel alone, you know? Well it also probably didn't help that J#1 had expressed some news to me about his situation which really took the wind out of me and made me feel depressed. It broke my heart to hear what had said...I'm hoping he doesn't follow through with it. I'll honestly be really sad if he does go that route. Sorry, I know I'm being vague, but for good reason. It's like that saying goes, if you speak it, it will happen. I tried to be positive with him, but he was being a defeatist as my coworker had called it. It's frustrating to seem him in that state of mind. And as a friend, what can you do but try to make light of the situation; and unfortunately, he was stressed out and I called him out and said he was being irrational. "Irrational my ass!" he bellowed over IM. *sigh* Anyways...I barely ate anything for dinner and nearly didn't eat cause as I was texting CS he said you shouldn't eat after 7PM. 6:55PM. "You have 5 minutes eat eat eat." I replied "You're silly, I can't eat that fast!"

Okay...I'm just rattling now with a flow of consciousness. Maybe it's cause I'm tired...I should probably sleep now... I'll blog more...need to talk about "Paying It Forward," coworker's birthday lunch today, coming out to more friends and confusion of misdirected assumptions...

fI

P.S. That pic is of the (4) mini Hershey's Chocolate Bars with Almonds I consumed before writing this post. Are you jealous Drew?! hehe...Means I'm gonna have to do 100 more crunches now...:T

Busy, busy, busy...

This is going to be a longer post than usual! I need to catch up on alot of recent events...

So first of all I need to recap on my second time attending the So Cal Social Club mixer that was on October 24, 2007.

This was THE best mixer so far for me, because I came out of my shell. I vowed to not let the same thing happen to me again or anyone else for that matter. I got there a bit early and Luciano (the founder of the So Cal Social Club) made fun of me! But my excuse is that work is literally down the street and no one was in the office anymore so there was no point in me sitting at work doing nothing. So in the beginning I noticed someone was in the same predicatment as I was in my first attendance, so I started talking to them (we'll call him W). And we got to talking for a while, then met his friend (we'll call him MG and who I am now friends with on a more casual basis). Met a whole bunch of new people (which I will get to in a minute). Not to mention showed my pop culture buffness during the game we played in the discussion group that evening (is it sad that I know what The Rugrats were/are?!). It was great this time around meeting everyone and seeing a few familiar faces here and there (not to mention the jerk who tried to get me on the pyramid scheme...). Anyways good times all around, and then the fruit flies showed up so we bounced and hit up The Abbey for some drinks, hummus and meeting up with their friend/former band mate. We shot the shit and hung out for a bit before I went home.

Then there was the Men of Laguna Beach calendar signing this past Tuesday. Pictures are worth a thousand words...so here's some pictures to keep this part short:

Then again afterwards had dinner with the fruit flies at The Abbey, yet again! Haha...Everyone says I should just move to WeHo...eventually!!!

Anyways, this weekend was great as well!!! Yesterday, hung out with the other fruit fly from Orange County and her brother. We spent the afternoon shopping at The Grove where I proceeded to spend the $200 I won from our bet of whomever lost the closest to 20 pounds in 2 months. I got some amazing jeans from Lucky Jeans, which cost $114 ($123 after tax)...a good portion of my budget. But the best thing is...I tried on the jeans...a 36...they were HUGE!!! I could fit my whole fist into the waist band! So then the sales girl suggest a 33...tried them on. THEY FIT!!! Can you imagine...size 33s!!! And they totally showed off my ass really well!!! I couldn't stop being giddy about my ass being shown off by these jeans! I <3>

Onto yesterday evening where I met up with a newfound friend (we'll call him CS) from the So Cal Social Club. We had some great emails back and forth and not to mention some really good phone conversations over the past week. It's refreshing! Definitely learning to take things as they are and not expecting too much out of the guys I met as of late. I have to say though, J#2 was such a mistake in all respects. Anyways, moved on from that. So last night we had dinner at Hamburger Mary's. Never, ever order the Chicken Pot Pie...it's not good at all! CS enjoyed his All American stuffed hamburger...lucky him! hahaha Not to mention the very chatty waiter...he was hot! :D Had drink #1...Stolli Blueberry and 7UP... We then make our way over to The Abbey and Luciano was there, but no Chad so I was a bit sad! :( Thing is Luciano was "still waking up" he said and he never hooks it up. Had drink #2...Irish Car Bombs... CS commented about how long it took...but I did defend Luciano...despite CS's displeasure and the story he told me about him and Luciano. We bid Luciano adieu and headed over to Here. Met up with CS's friend J and J's BF. Had drink #3...Mind Eraser... We sat outside and chatted it up a bit with some great stories from CS and J. And CS brought up Chad and lucky for me J knew who I was talking about and I was happy and elated! We then proceeded back in for the guys to use the restroom and we got more drinks... Had drink #4...German Chocolate Cake Shot (although the bartender made them wrong)... We stayed inside where the music was playing and I started dancing cause I was feeling the music. Shook my ass in my new jeans in front of CS and J's boyfriend, who then proceeded to comment that I should be on the go go platform! Hahaha...I was waaay drunk by this point! :X So then another round ensued! Had drink #5...Another Stolli Bluberry & 7UP... Although at first I was drinking it and mentioned it tasted gnarly...then it was realized I had J's boyfriend's drink! Haha... After a few more minutes we lost CS so we went a searchin' for him and found him at the patio bar. J's boyfriend suggested they get me a water as I was clearly inebriated by that point. So I chugged down my water and we step out of Here onto Robertson. We say our goodbye's to J and J's Boyfriend whom were really great to hang out with! We walked back to the car and I'm clearly unable to walk straight for a good portion of the walk back. Luckily CS was sober (I hope...I couldn't tell really) and drove us back to his place. We searched for parking and found a spot a few blocks down the hill. We step out of the car and myself all giggly we walked (read: I staggered, he walked) to his place...and CS had to pee into the bush cause he couldn't hold it in any longer...then I proceeded to follow suit becuase I couldn't hold it in either! So we make it to his place and I finally met his beautiful doggie! SO cute! CS gets me to chug down 2 glasses of water before I knocked out on his couch at nearly 1AM.

This morning I woke up at nearly 7:30AM and proceeded in and out of consciousness up until 8:30AM when CS awoke and walked his doggie. Then we caught some of Better Half and then headed over to get some Starbucks with the doggie. Got me a ginger bread latte (kinda tasted a bit burnt) and CS got a peppermint mocha with 5 extra shots. We then proceeded to search for my car and we found it pretty quick...said our goodbyes and I made my way home...

And now here I am typing this blog and waiting for my laundry to dry...and I seriously need to pick up my place as it's a hot mess right now. Okay enough of this...Catch up with you bitches soon!

fI

Blast from the (not so distant) past...

Three days after my surgery...My name is obviously misspelled on the polaroid. Jackson was uber cute but he was a bit smelly! LOL The sign above my bed says "Special Care." I looked like shit, swollen as hell and barely ate; not to mention I was uber fat then. So from then til now...a TON of changes. A TON!!!

Anyways, thought I'd share this little tidbit of my life that I wanted to show you all...

fI

Halloween + WeHo + Alcohol = Debauchery!!!, Part 01...

OMG! Last night was a night of infamy! Across the board not only for myself but for my coworkers who I hung out with in WeHo for Halloween! It was out of control to say the least!

So yesterday was a bit crazed because I had to go from a team lunch to North Hollywood for a Client party and then back to Beverly Hills to meet up with coworkers at the office.

Got all that craziness accomplished (not to mention several cute boys along the way: one who had his undies exposed while sitting [picture to be uploaded] at lunch at Izakaya and then at the Client party in the Ghostbusters outfit [no picture, unfortunately]), my coworkers and I made our way over to Santa Monica Blvd at 6PM to have dinner at Skewers. Great food as always...I managed to get down a Cantaloupe Martini.

We make our way back out and end up going to a pre-party all the way on Orlando and 3rd, actually off of Blackburn via a $20 cab ride. Yes, $20. The cabbie wouldn't shut up about how much we would pay him. We get there and I met a few "new" coworkers (and by new I mean I've seen them around but never officially met them) and had a shot of Jameson & Baileys (is that a Buttery Nipple?!), a Miller Lite, then another shot of just Jameson. Gawd, I was feeling it after all that. Everyone at the pre-party filed out onto the street and two of my coworkers decided we wanted to head back to WeHo. Luckily (strangely?!), we found the same cabbie had come back and was just down the street from where he dropped us off. Another $20 cab ride...

So we get back and head over to Here Lounge because a boy said he'd be there (and I then later found out he wasn't even there yet! *sigh*). So we get in after about a 15-20 minute wait in line and a $5 cover charge. Not bad! So we get some more drinks, I had an Oatmeal Cookie on the rocks the bartender (dressed as Tarzan) ended up comping to my coworker. I guess she "cute"-ed her way to get that one! :P Anyways, so this is where the night gets crazier for me and my coworkers...

Okay fuck...this is gonna have to be a two parter...more tomorrow! It's too fucking late for me right now and I'm plum tuckered out! Until then...

fI

P.S. That initial picture should whet your appetites for the rest of the story to follow...I have no idea what that guy's name was, but he had a gorgeous body and a nice ass to go with it! :D If you look closely...my arm trails down...somewhere... Oh and not to mention I spotted another amateur Porn Star!!! (Former according to him...more on that later...)

I completely forgot...

But my 1 year anniversary of blogging had passed! And alot has happened since. A LOT! Those of you who have been reading since the beginning, thank you! And for those of you who are new, thanks for checking my blog out!

At this point, I'll keep this short. So please don't be a stranger and leave comments if you have yet to. And if you have been commenting, keep at it. I love getting taunted by you all! :D

Well that's it for now...more posts...since I'm behind on blogging...and for good reason!

fI

When Blogger Worlds Collide...

So to recap the last week or so, starting from last Friday...

Last Friday my best friend from HS and her fiance came up to WeHo to hang out. Oh but before that, my coworkers and I hit up Kiehls to redeem my certificate. See the damage here:


Then it was off to The Abbey for dinner at 7PM or so. The food at The Abbey was amazing (although they needed to superheat the soup a bit more) and not to mention the Key Lime Martini and Mango Mojito I had. Then we proceeded to waltz on over to Rage to see if we could get our wristbands for the night; no bueno in the first five minutes, but the security guard came around and we ordeded up a Mind Eraser (for me), a B-52 for my friend and a Chocolate Cake shot for the fiance. So we meandered back down the street to one of the many yogurt shops on Santa Monica Blvd. We split a cup of the plain with mochi (which was slightly awful, but I got the job to eat it all), cap'n crunch and strawberries. Yum! We then made our way back to The Abbey to see if the bartender (I can now say I know), Luciano. Found him and proceeded with an Irish Car Bomb and then a Chocholate Cake shot after. Then we headed over to Fiesta Cantina to see if any of the waiters I knew were working, but no bueno again. That was until we were about to head out and ran into Jesse, my now most favorite waiter ever! (Story to come as to why) We finally make our way back to Rage and dance the next few hours away while some other friends make their way over to WeHo. Eventually we call it a night as my other friends finally make it to Rage and I say our brief hello's and even briefier goodbye's. I suggested in our leave we hit up Fiesta Cantina for one last hurrah for the evening. We make our way in and up to find Jesse and we luckily find a seat in his station. We only end up ordering a Sprite (me) and Jesse comps the drink. So I tipped him a fiver and said my goodbye to him and got a kiss on the cheek from him! *gasp* :D Granted, Jesse's a friendly guy and is very flirtatious. I haven't known him for all too long, but I have to say I'm developing a crush on him! I did post a picture of him previously, so feel free to go find it! :D

So Saturday rolls around and I make my way way down to Disneyland for Gay Days. Rather than being long winded about this day, I spent it with BoFL and other friends from college and such. Also caught the Aladdin stage show again over at California Adventures. Then I got a phone call after the show from none other than Drew from Superdrewby. More on this when I talk about Sunday. I called it a night when we were about to grab dinner and ate at my parents place.

And Sunday, was amazing despite some hiccups. So I finally got the opportunity to meet one of my favorite bloggers in the world, Drew of Superdrewby!!! He's already blogged about meeting here, but now it's my turn! I was looking forward to finally meeting Drew (and his partner Lee) at the Harbor House Cafe in Huntington Beach. But on the way, I got a phone call from my aunt saying that my mom locked herself out the house. I was nearly there when I got the phone call and I begrudgingly headed back home. I finally made my way back to Harbor House and walk into the cafe with Drew and Lee greeting me. I was elated to have finally met them both and enjoyed our conversation about various things. Definitely enjoyed chit chatting as they ate their lunch. Unfortunately our time was short as they had to make their way back up to LA to pick up their luggage and head to the airport in time for their flight that evening. But before they headed out we snapped a few pics and here's one:


The rest of Sunday I spent at a going away party for a friend from HS and his gf who are heading to NY for a job and a change of pace for them.

So that's all for now...I gotta blog about this week's events like seeing Avenue Q on Tuesday, the "non-date" on Wednesday and having lunch with my crush I met at speed dating a few months back on Friday...

Hope you all enjoy your weekend! :D

fI

I'm a winner!

So, this past Wednesday I attend the So Cal Social Club out here in Los Angeles.

It is run by none other than the gorgeous Luciano Costa, who also leads a double life (not in a negative way) as a bartender at The Abbey in WeHo.

Anyways, so I got there pretty early despite the mixer starting at 7pm, people (of course) showed up fashionably late. Things didn't get busy until 8pm or so. I was completely apprehensive as everyone traveled in packs of two and how are you supposed to mix when everyone's got a wingman? As I said to Luciano later on that evening it was like "gay mafia."

So after three martinis (along with a $50 bar tab), the discussion panel started which was great as the topic of discussion was "Finding THE one," not to mention when asked the talking point of something no one knew about you, mine was to say that I had unofficially been out since October last year, but officially out the last month and a half. After that, had a talk with Luciano about the organization and what have you. I also got to meet a few great guys from the panel and got to talking to a good number of them.

Then came the raffle drawing. I was joking with another attendee about what one would do with $700 worth of Kiehls products. And they draw a number, but that person didn't claim their prize. Then they drew a second number, it was MINE!!!

So all in all, the event ended well despite being completely lame in the beginning. I thought I would need the martinis to give me some courage, but in the end me just being myself was all I needed to do. Definitely hope to check out the next event!

fI

P.S. Plus, I'll need to tell you more about my work conference...

Vlog 01...

Since Blogger recently launched this new feature, I thought I'd try it! The mash up word, vlog, sounds so foreign...German perhaps?! Anyways, here's my first, half-assed attempted at doing a quickie video blog of the hotel room I stayed in for my work conference. Okay some of you may not bat an eyelash at what you see, but I honestly don't ask for much and being set up in such nice digs, is and will always be a definite surprise and priviledge for this boy. Enjoy!

fI

P.S. NOTE: By "decked out" I meant the amenities: like the HDTV and the LCD at the bathroom sink, and not that it had a shower and a bathroom. Smart asses. Oh and if you figure out what hotel I was staying at...um...I dunno, you win a prize?!

100!!!

So in the tradition of what I've seen other bloggers do when you reach your 100th post, here are 100 things about me (or this blog) or what I'm thinking at the moment that you may or may not know! (I will count down from 100 to 1, from the most obvious to the most obscure...or I'll try at least!) Here goes:

100. I love musicals!
99. I love singing!
98. Despite loving both musicals and singing, I have never been in a musical.
97. I have performed in front of various size audiences (largest was at the Irvine Barclay Theatre, which seats nearly 700)
96. Speaking of performing, I have done a few plays, in particular, my crowning achievement would be a culture night at the aforementioned theatre.
95. In college, I was in seven different organization; and the most at one time: 5.
94. 5, that's also the number of years it took me to graduate.
93. Reason being, I switched majors in the middle of my junior year.
92. I started college majoring in computer science, then I switched to a humanities major.
91. I took about 4 years worth of Japanese.
90. Am I fluent? NO WAY!!! (You would think, right?!)
89. This fascination of the Japanese culture started in sophomore year in HS.
88. All this fascination and I have not yet been to Japan.
87. I used to watch Japanese Animation...alot.
86. My favorite Japanese Animation is/are/was Dragonball Z and Tenchi Muyo.
85. Speaking of shows, I'm watching Mythbusters as I'm trying to come up with 100 things.
84. This episode: Superhero Myths.
83. I actually saw this episode, partially, while on my Jetblue flight to New York the other week.
82. I had the best time in New York; one of the best times I've had on vacation on my own.
81. Despite being in New York, I didn't meet any New York bloggers.
80. But I did see what a New York blogger was talking about in one of his blog posts (reference: Brechi Reborn)
79. I have finally been on Top of the Roc, which I have to say, is waaay cooler than the Empire State Building!
78. While in New York, I saw 9 musicals...Yes, 9.
77. Five of those nine, was Altar Boyz.
76. Did I mention I'm an Altarholic?!
75. In total, I've seen Altar Boyz seven times...Yes, 7 (twice when it was a regional production in Long Beach and the aforementioned).
74. Why do I love Altar Boyz so much? I think it's the catchy lyrics, comical aspects, religious references, the dancing and singing.
73. Reminds me, I need to post the video of me dancing and singing with Ryan J. Ratliff, who plays Mark in the musical.
72. I also shot another video of me singing with another actor from the show, Matthew "Bucky" Buckner, which is showcased in a previous post.
71. I may be obsessed about Altar Boyz, but I made three awesome friends due to the show!
70. Speaking of friends, I'd like to say through this blog I've befriends some awesome people.
69. Dan of My Life in the Slow Lane.
68. Drew of Superdrewby.
67. Bobby of Bobby Vanquish/Bobby's Body.
66. AA of The Accidental Activist.
65. The bloggers were genuinely concerned and kept in contact when I was diagnosed with my (thankfully) benign brain tumor last December.
64. This brain tumor, has changed my life for the better.
63. I am more vocal about my opinions.
62. I will not take anyone's shit.
61. Allowed me to live my life without any regrets.
60. The only regret I have at the moment, is that this frivolity makes me spend money.
59. And not to mention, I am quite a bit short due to having transitioned jobs.
58. Nearly a month of not getting paid can screw you up financially...Seriously.
57. New job though; I am getting paid more.
56. But I feel I should have been hired as a manager and not something parallel.
55. So I plan to speak up about this disparity with the director that hired me, next Thursday.
54. Lying on your resume and out loud to those you manage is not good.
53. My manager could learn a thing or two about that.
52. See what I meant about being vocal?!
51. I think this new vocalness (is that even a word?!) may get me in trouble in various respects and capacities.
50. I know it has with ToBF on a few occassions.
49. OMG how do other bloggers do 100 things about them?! I can't even think of another 48 in particular that stand out.
48. My guilty pleasure: I love Fergie's album!
47. My musical tastes are eclectic.
46. I listen to Japanese R&B.
45. Yes, I do understand some of the lyrics from time to time (remember #91?).
44. My dream job: being an A&R Rep for a music label.
43. Speaking of jobs, I have never worked a retail or food service job (full or part time), ever.
42. Why? I've always managed to get an office job somehow, someway.
41. Where I want to be in the next few years: a managerial then a directoral position.
40. Then what? Maybe some grad school or likely an MBA.
39. It's all a part of my grandoise plan.
38. A few years in Southern California, then Northern California. Grad/MBA and then relo and spend the rest of my life on the East Coast.
37. Speaking of which, I grew up in New Jersey for about a year or two when I was younger.
36. I remember the tiny sub-apartment my parents and I occupied.
35. The bed in my room, was on an elevated section, and well, I don't think it really was a room.
34. I remember when my parents would spin records on the record player.
33. Lionel Richie's Dancing on the Ceiling.
32. Whitney Houston (pre-crack headed Bobby Brown days...when she actually made amazing music).
31. I am a product of the 80's.
30. I love all the throwback 80's songs and all the top 40 songs on the radio that sample music from the 80's.
29. I talk about music alot.
28. I could probably find a song that is appropriate for every moment of my life.
27. With that song having very appropriate lyrics to fit the mood and occassion.
26. I know what song would fit for the jerk of an asshole I thought I had fallen for last October.
25. 20 Fingers - Short Dick Man.
24. Not to mention he had the nastiest looking uncircumsized penis.
23. It looked like the worm in the sand pit from Star Wars.
22. Yes...I'm not kidding.
21. Yes...I'm brutal, I know.
20. Now if you're wondering...I'm cut.
19. But I wasn't circumsized at birth.
18. I was circumsized when I was 11 or 12, because my mom thought I had difficulty peeing.
17. Dammit! What was my mom thinking?!
16. Speaking of my mom, I remember when we lived in New Jersey still she was taking/picking me up from pre-school and she had slipped on the pavement.
15. It was the middle of winder and the pavement froze over.
14. I also remember my uncle closing the window on my fingers...It hurt.
13. My aunt and uncle got in a fight over that incident.
12. I was pretty quiet as a kid.
11. I also had straight hair then.
10. What happened in both instances?! hah
9. I had a stuffed yellow, green and blue monkey that had a mini shirt on that said "I [heart] Bryan".
8. I named him Elmo...I know, he's not Red or a furry monster. Get over it.
7. I have a scar on my right, middle knuckle.
6. Got it from scraping my hand across the backyard wall while riding my bike, which at the time, still had its training wheels on.
5. Injuries: I have also cut my left hand, in the meaty part, pretty deep with a utility knife as well.
4. I have never broken a bone in my body.
3. I am deaf in my left ear....completely deaf. And no I'm not ignoring you if you're talking to me from my left side.
2. They ruled out that my hearing loss was the cause of my tumor. Yes, the tumor was in the same vicinity of my left ear drum/canal. But they said the tumor had to have been growing for 10-15 years before hand.
1. Some great (I think) offical news, below.

This goes out to all of you who have read my blog thus far and is a testament to those of you whom I have become amazing friends with. The friendships I have made through this blog to get me along some of the roughest times in my life thus far is something I truly cherish! :D It has been 11 months since I started this blog and have come a long way. The anniversary of this blog is nearing and will definitely look back upon this last year. Also, to commend this 100th post, I'd like to officially say I am 100% Gay. I have finally come to terms to my issues and have the confidence to embrace that this is who I am.

More soon...I need to finish my recollection from my NYC trip, before it becomes cloudy...

fI

P.S. I can't belive I came up 100 things...well I kinda cheated. I was starting to get on a roll. I have alot of childhood factoids and memories. Probably the next 100th post I'll do more then...

Totalled...

09.17.07 - Car Accident

**Updated: gMaps view of the accident site here.

fI

Reminiscing, Part 02...

Day 02, September 01 -

This day was awesome cause I got to sit down and talk with the creator of my favorite musical (Altar Boyz!!!) of all time, Ken Davenport!!! I was uber excited as he agreed to meet me half an hour before having to street time for his other new production, My First Time. I piqued his interest in the duration of our conversation with the knowledge I have on the advertising industry, in particular Google AdWords. I got to ask him questions as well about nuances of my fave musical and what have you. It was definitely a great meeting of the minds, normally it would have cost me "wafers" (see here for the "wafers" reference) but I got lucky! :D Anyways, I digress. Us street teamers finally headed out of the office towards Broadway clad in shirts that say "Ask Me About My First Time." Quite awkward if you ask me! But in the spirit of things...It wasn't so awkward...I think the looks I got while wearing the shirt and trying to pass out flyers and pins were worse! Haha! Not to mention the heat that day with a black shirt was definitely not something one should do...I think they need to get white shirts from now on...theyr'e cheaper too! :X So after two hours of that, we headed back to the office on 49th and I talked a bit more with Ken! Even got a free ticket to his new show My First Time (more on this later but let me tell ya it was great!). If you're ever in New York and want tickets to the show, wander down Broadway and 46th, next to the Bank of America ATMs and ask for Jeramy, one of the street teamers with binders and tell him Bry sent ya! :D He has discounted tickets for both Altar Boyz and My First Time!

Later that evening I went to see another musical (yes I know...this would be #3 during my vacation) called Naked Boys Singing. And they were NOT kidding when they say Naked!!! 7-8 guys show up on stage wearing NOTHING at all. With only their wits about them, they pranced, danced, pirouted around stage with their willies hanging out for all to see and oogle! My mouth (not for that reason you perverts!) was agape the whole time! It was a sight to see! There were two (one of which I will get to in a second) that were well endowed! But one in particular really caught my eye; his name is Spencer Gates. He was quite the looker! He was gorgeous! Drop dead! (More about him in a second) Anyways, show lasted about an hour, hour and a half as a musical reveue of various different songs about being naked, getting circumsized, masturbation...you name it, it was probably a topic of one of the songs they sang! It was better than seeing Thunder Down Under I would think, but I have yet to compare the two (I will by next February for a bachelorette party!). So that show ended and I was out in the lobby when Spencer makes his way out, avoiding any eye contact and looking towards the ground. Again my mouth was agape; frozen, wanting to ask him for a photo, clothed, but felt like the ultimate pervert if I did. The gaggle of 'Mos who were also in the lobby, giggled in delight as Spencer made his exit. How do they do it day in day out? Lucky for them, Naked Boys Singing only plays on Fridays at 10:30PM & Saturday at 6PM and 10:30PM.

Next, I saw My First Time. It was great how there was audience participation in the sense that when you went to sit in your seat there was a voluntary questionairre you could fill out with a branded pen. You filled it out about your sexual experiences and an usher came around to pick them up from you. If your story were good enough, it may be chosen as one of the ones read by the actors on stage. Interestingly enough, they compiled all the date you filled out and throughout the show they had a slideshow that had updated information about how many virgins were in the theatre, percentages and stats across the board. It was interesting! The two male actors, Bill Dawes and Josh Heine, were hot as hell! Especially Bill, who was popping out of his read t-shirt and sport coat. Dreamy! The stories were retold in the style of the Vagina Monologues and consisted of stories ranging from gay and straight, abuse, pleasure, situations, etc. All the recollections were used from a website that people around the world submitted anonymously. It was definitely an interesting show to say the least!

This day was one of my longer days as I was out of the place I was staying for most of the day. It was great seeing both these shows, especially Naked Boys Singing! *gushes* :D

*EDIT: I forgot to mention the rest of my evening: dinner with the boys and Fat Cat in Chelsea! Will add it tomorrow!

Next on the plate, Day 03...but that's for tomorrow! Hope some of you are enjoying the recollection of my trip, otherwise for posterity!

fI

Reminiscing, Part 01...

My trip the other week was amazing (to say the least)!

I honestly had the best time, albeit by myself mostly. I got to explore the city and just clear my head of my tribulations back home. Definitely a welcomed change and going after what I know I want.

Day 00, August 29 –

Pinchy (former coworker) got me to the airport around 8PM for my 9:15PM (Pacific Time) flight. Upon checking my luggage in, I was told that we had to make a lay over to Salt Lake City due to the heat for refueling before we headed directly to New York. We board the plane, and then taxi onto the tarmac. We sit on the tarmac for an hour, when the pilot announces that there was some instrumentation issue they were trying to fix so they were in the process of resetting the system to see if that would resolve the issue. Unfortunately, it did not and we had to taxi back because someone wanted to get off the plane; so back we went. Oh did I mention we had no running water, so people were just using hand sanitizer to wash their hands with. Now, me being a bit OCD, I didn't not find this situation too sanitary and kind of felt sick to my stomach at the thought; but what was I gonna do? Anyways, we got back to the terminal, let the person off and refueled. By the time the captain finished all the paperwork he had to fill out, 3 hours had passed. We finally took off either at midnight or at 1AM; I'm honestly not sure as all the waiting made me stir crazy and delirious.

Day 01, August 30 -

Arrived in NY by 8AM (Eastern Time). I barely got any sleep on the plane, but I was completely excited by being somewhere I could escape all the troubles that awaited my return back at home. I took the AirTrain to the Long Island Rail Road into Penn Station. Got to my friend's GF's place (from herein, Tranny -- long story short, friends named her that on a trip to BevMo this past 4th of July...) near Herald Square after sweating myself over the two block trip from Penn Station. Took a 2 hour nap and then grabbed lunch with Tranny's childhood friend at Hard Rock Cafe in Time Square. Gotta scan and upload the picture...

*picture from Hard Rock Cafe here*

Tranny came home in the afternoon and graciously cooked us dinner. It was AMAZING!!! Cous-cous with grilled veggies, Broiled Pork and a simple garden greens salad with (I forget what kind of) cheese, some dried cranberrys and a vinagrette (sp?) dressing. It was SCRUMPTIOUS I tell ya! She's an amazing cook! Gotta have her teach me how to cook that good! :D Anyways, that evening marked the first night (and first time, out of five mind you) of seeing Altar Boyz off-broadway at the New World Stages. Awesome show as always! I got the premium tickets, which were $126...BUT it included the ticket plus a souvenir booklet (paid another $5 to get the signed copy), the soundtrack CD, a t-shirt and button. And better yet, it also included a VIP meet and greet with the actors inside the theatre, before they exited out into the "stage door" area (read: theatre lobby). Afterwards, met up with Tranny and her friend for some amazing desserts at Billy's down 22nd and 8th. Ate a lemon bar with some milk and also bought a buttercreme cupcake, which I saved for later. Good times!

I'll have to continue this post in Part 02, as it's getting near my bed time and I need to be up at 5AM again tomorrow for more gym! w00t! :D

To be continued folks...

fI

For now...

"It's 8:30AM and I am about 5 hours from my leave from the most amazing trip I've had in a while (dare I say ever?!)! The impending sadness of loss of proximity looms..."

He probably won't see this for a while (or who knows)...But thank you M (and J) for being the most gracious hosts this weekend! I love you and can't wait to be back! *hugs* :)

fI

Duet To It...

Something About You - Matthew "Bucky" Buckner with firstimpre55ion...

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fI

Dejected...

So today marked the first week of my new job.

As well as a banner day for an ebb and flow of emotions.

This past Wednesday, I got daring and attended a speed dating event in West Hollywood (herein, WeHo). Suffice it to say, it was definitely an interesting time, with definitely a few stand outs in the crowd, in particular 3 guys. And of the 3 guys, 2 had expressed a mutual interest. The funny thing with this speed dating is that in order for you to be matched, both parties have to be in agreement. Yes, makes sense. But what didn't at the time is that those who were seated never got to meet any of the others that were seated so you kinda had to "cruise" the scene, but by that time the venue had music blaring and the lights off, so you couldn't really conduct a coherent conversation. Lucky for me my Fruit Flies (as the Twins have gotten dubbed by their friend) were patiently waiting for me outside of the venue. I took them in to meet one of the guys I took a liking to. Said guy had mentioned he'd be partying in WeHo this Friday, today.

So over the next few days leading to today, Friday, I was quite nervous as I had emailed both the guys that had responded; and yet neither have responded back. So my day was set with anticipation waiting for a response from the one guy who said he'd be partying in WeHo. All day I sat at the edge of my seat waiting for an email, a text or a phone call. It was quite abyssmal on my part to be on bated breath for a response. I get home from work and finally get a text from said guy. I got excited. And with that I set myself up for disappointment. Long story short, I obviously didn't end up going out as I'm sitting here typing this.

So now I have relegated my evening to watching DVD 1 of season 3 of Queer As Folk, wallowing in some Framboise (read: probably the whole bottle) and soon in a bag of Cheetos...What an awesome way to end a craptacular evening...

fI

Six Months...

So I dunno if I should mark it from the date of the craniotomy or from the date of the stereotacti radiation...but either way...the anniversary of my ordeal that procured this past December is due.

Next week, I go in for an MRI and a follow up with the surgeon who performed the first procedure.

I'm hoping the MRI show's shrinkage of the benign tumor....we shall see, as my face is still numb...meaning either that the left side of my face will forever be fluctuatingly numb or the tumor is still present...

...we shall see.

fI

Sooner than later or later than sooner?!

So I need to get my head sorted out...and here is likely the best place as any (not to mention none of my personnel support is up/around/available)...

Like I've mentioned previously, I'm totally coming to terms with things and am finding great comfort in just being completely honest and open with friends about myself and, in particular, my persuasion.

This weekend was no exception. Thursday, whilst at the International San Diego Comic Con, I happened upon the Lionsgate booth and while perusing with my college friend, Bub, the booth model caught my eye. He was gorgeous! Over 6', muscular and olive skinned. Beautiful. (I may just post this photograph of myself and the model for my big revealing...which I will discuss further below. *edit: cropped [for the time being] and posted above! :D). After being transfixed, I dragged Bub around the booth and continue past it. It was then I thought to myself, I'll just tell him now, as I really wanted my pic snapped with the said model. So I disclose and Bub, despite being a little shocked, was completely fine with it. We circled back and he snapped my photo with the model.

Interestingly enough, the incident above made the whole weekend easier for me as I didn't have to hide anything with Bub and he asked me what my ratio split is between guys and girls; and the answer to that is 70/30...which made me wonder...is there such a thing as gay-curious?! Since there's bi-curious; is there such thing as straight-curious (for ex-gays maybe?! Is there such thing as that as well?!)? Definitely perplexing...maybe I am totally gay and not just bi? I digress (this blog post is become a flow of consciousness at the moment)...

Anyways, before I rattle on, I should give more back story about why all this self-exploration is coming about. Last week, I partied in WeHo again for the umpteenth time; hitting up Rage, Fiesta Cantina and The Abbey. This evening started off my boldness, amongst other things. Liquid Courage was definitely an important part of that evening, as it helped me loosen up and get pretty out there. In my drunken state I: took a photo with the hot, (unfortunately I found out) straight security guard at The Abbey (he let me in the previous time sans my ID), let Dandy (friend from college who had been openly gay and told me after having first met him a long time ago) give me a lap dance (it was really nice btw! :D) as well as he and I grinding it on the dance floor (good times! ;D). Had an awesome evening and we topped it off at Swingers Diner as I still needed to sober up and drive home (at 3am mind you! :X).

*WARNING: It may get graphic starting in the next paragraph...you have been warned!!! :P

Fast forward to the next evening...I had finished with a friend's engagement party and it was decided us kids in attendance would hit Starbucks for some refreshments. So I headed off with a friend (*note: Straight boy) who hitched a ride to Starbucks, albeit early and we were the first arrivals. So we chit chat in the car and take a look at the photos from the previous evening. So we finish that and then I decided to get a bit frisky with this friend and put my hand on his upper thigh (mind you, we are still sitting in the car, about 20 feet from people in public and no, my windows are not tinted). I then worked my way further up, to his balls (which caused him to jerk back, for lack of a better word, in effect) and then I began to feel around thus finding what I was looking for. I start rubbing him through his shorts and query him, "So is this doing anything for you?". I continued rubbing him through his shorts, made some comment about unzipping him on the spot and he then tried to stop me by flicking my hand jokingly (?) to stop doing what I was doing. So I did. Then some friends did finally show up and the friend, after my prodding, did not want to head in to the store, so I put my hand back on his upper thigh and continued on my conquest. After this second visit, said friend decided it was time we got out of the car...end Bold Moment #1.

Next Scene: Bold Moment #2 - Setting: The next day. To get the pun out of the way, A1 Steak Sauce definitely has nothing on me, thanks to this day. Now with another friend (he's Bi), I tell the story of yesterday's antics and said friend makes it apparent he is getting hard from the retelling and redemonstration of said events. So friend queries me if I want to see it, seeing how he was already hard from the transpirings of previous events; so I agree. We mutually decide it's a "Show me yours, I'll show you mine" type of deal. So we both unzip and begin handling each other's goodies. I begin to notice that I'm enjoying this mutualistic moment more than friend. So in all fairness I asked him if he was nervous/okay and I swear I could totally hear him swallow the lump in his throat; we decided it went further than it should have and we both rezipped. That was the end of that...for now; at least according to that friend.

So I'm getting completely confused and discombobulated. I disclosed all this to ToBF and he made a good observation that "[I'm] probably making up for lost time." Which I think is definitely a spot-on description of what's happening as of late. But, back again to the assessment of my current situation. Can I be gay-curious? I think I'm completely beyond being bi and feeling things out. But before I decide, I think I need to figure out all the feelings in my head and that will also come along with my revealing.

So I'm completely done with hiding myself and I would totally be fine being out in the open and I think my confidence would completely be boosted if I completely reveal myself...August. That's soon...I will tell all (more?) then...

To be continued...

fI