Second Rate, Part 1...

So I'm gonna try not to be too prolific in this post but I have wondered the statistics...there is probably a line I'm going to cross and cross it I shall.

I have wondered about the true realities of racial profiling/racializing particularly in regards to the alternative lifestyle of being gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered.

I have faced two incidents recently that definitely make me feel like a second rate minority among minorities in Los Angeles.

I'm not sure if this if self induced dillusion or quite factual in all respects.

I know people are allowed their personal preference, tastes and attractions, but here is my issue...well I don't know how to explain, but I guess it boils down to my attraction and wanting to be in a relationship with someone who is of caucasian descent (and I know I've talked to this topic a few times over).

Well first off, let me state the non-obvious. I am Asian, specifically Filipino. So what you say?

Does that particularly matter much? Some may say no, others may say yes and then there are those who take no stance. I bet the fact that I just stated my ethnicity may have now likely put off a few people/readers...who knows?

Be it Match.com, Gay.com or CL, one thing's for sure, being a minority amongst minorities is quite abyssmal. Unless I'm a bottom hungry submissive twink or a overtly muscled steroidal gym rat, I have NO chance in hell in vying for the likes of anyone's time, caucasian or not.

Yes, my friends in the blogging world (or in general/real life) may prove me wrong (and I'm likely to get flack from ESJ, BFoL and BFoR, to name THE few who would), so far no one's really given me a reason not to be right in my assumptions. It is with the sad truth, it's like finding a needle in a haystack.

BFoL pointed out to me that he himself, being caucasian finds asian guys (specifically Filipino) to be completely in his preferences; and also points out that a mutual friend of ours' brother is with someone who is caucasian. Okay two out of what...a good million or so? That is nearly a 0.000002% percentile of men you are attracted to the minority.

If that's the case, then I'm in the totally wrong area and/or looking in all the wrong places. Maybe San Deigo is the spot since there is a heavy majority of minority (read: Filipinos) in concentration there. Hence, the likelihood of finding a mate that is interested in someone other than of their own persuasion...

I'll have to continue this post/rant at a later time...

fI

Christmas Tag!

Darn you Dan! Please blame Dan over at SlowLaneDan.com for your demise... *evil grin*

The rules:

1. The player with this game starts with “3 wishes he/she would love to get for Christmas” and also has a list of “3 wishes he/she definitely does not want for Christmas” -- DONE!

2. Then he/she tags 5 friends and list their names. -- DONE!

3. The ones who get tagged need to write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, as well as state this rules clearly, then tag 5 more victims. -- DONE!

4. And the ones who tag need to leave a comment that says, “You’ve been Christmas tagged!” in their comments and tell them to read your blog. -- DONE!

Here goes nothing...

Wishes:
1) A man (read: boyfriend) for this holiday season to hug, cuddle and kiss over and over again...
2) A safe surgery and a speedy recovery or better yet, not to have my current condition...
3) All my debt to be paid off, magically...

Non-Wishes:
1) Clothes from parents (they need a lesson in style)...
2) Dolphin paraphernalia (long story)...
3) To not have a man and not have for him this holiday season to not have to hug, cuddle and kiss over and over again (was there enough double negatives in that?)...

Victims:
Overnight in New York (JP Mac), Bobby's Body (Bobby), Accidental Activist, Bryn's So Called Life (Bryn), I Think I Might Be Gay (Tim)...and for good measure Micifus (Phil)!

Sorry guys...I love you all...don't hate me!!! Oh and an early Merry Christmas?! >_<

fI

It wasn't just a dream...

Okay, I'm going to lift that hiatus I mentioned a few posts ago as I'm living it up like...well...you know...Anyways...

So tonight I went and saw a special engagement pre-screening of Dreamgirls at The Arclight (beautiful theatre btw, assigned seating, delicious carmel corn, alcohol in the theatre during certain moving showings. GOOD STUFF!) in Hollywood with my best friend (not BFoR or BFoL) and his cousins and sister in tow. Sister and girl cousin went to see The Holiday and best friend, guy cousin and I saw Dreamgirls at the Cineramadome.

Also got some schwag with the hefty $25 ticket price: a lithograph limited to 42K prints and a Dreamgirls glossy program of sorts. Not bad incentives to see it a few days before it opens.

So before I forget, thanks to my best friend for bringing me a lamb sandwich (tasty morsels!) to eat, but with my current condition, I rarely have an appetit, if at all, sadly.

And back to the movie, despite the peanut gallery that sat behind us whom hooted and hollered throughout the movie like it was an episode of Showtime at the Apollo, the movie was visually stunning (maybe it was the digital projection?), beautiful set design, costumes, and the best part: amazing singing. Especially by Jennifer Hudson playing Effie White (accolades to Jennifer Holliday for setting the bar high) totally took the role and signature song and rocked it out! I nearly cried when she was singing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" (the subject of the post previous to this one) but I didn't, cause well my friends were right next to me.

If I had to rate the move on a scale of 1-10, 9 - for SUCCESSFULLY porting a Tony Award Winning Broadway musical to the silver screen.

As for Booyence getting the nod for lead actress of the film, I say BULLSHIT!!! She was only in the movie for 1/3 of the movie, with 2/3 of the movie being Jennifer Hudson carrying the movie, whom only got a supporting actress nod (and I hope the overstated diva doesn't win that, she doesn't deserve it; it belongs to Ms. "Effie" Hudson). Girl got robbed!!! Damn diva status *shakes fist in air*!!! Anyways, I digress...

Definitely would watch it again a second time to get any more nuances and to enjoy the film sans peanut gallery...Anyone wanna go with me? ;)

fI

P.S. Forgot to mention, my friend and I spotted Kathy Griffin, in attendance (she's short!). Not sure if anyone else recognized her...but I did and so did my friend. And also another honorable mention to the male couple in front of us during the movie...made me bitter in the sense I wish I went to see the movie with my non-existent man. Speaking of men, there was a TON of eye candy...oh man...would cruising in the lobby shop of the theatre be considered a indecent exposure? ;)

Appropriate...

"And I am telling you

I'm not going,

Even though the rough times are showing.

There's just no way,

There's no way..."

fI

And so it is written...

...January 9th, 2007.

fI

My only scare...

Right now, the only thing that is worrying me...

...is not waking up in the morning.

fI

P.S. Many thanks to those of you (in no particular order: Matt from Debriefing the Boys, Bobby from Bobby's Body, Accidental Activist, ESJ one of my best mates, Tim from I Think I Might Be Gay, Paul from YarravillePaul, et all) for your well wishes during this very testing time of my health, my sanity and my patience. (Apologies if I forgot to mention you...I'm not all here at this time...)

Hiatus...

So to my few (is that right?) loyal readers, I am unfortunately going to have to put my blog on a hiatus for the time being.

I have been diagnosed for my constant, persistent headaches as of Thursday, December 8, 2006.

I have a localised (does that mean benign?) brain tumor at my skull base which is causing mass pressure on my brain and on my brain stem/spinal column, hence the persistent headache.

Was also told I had it for a while now as it is about 3-4 CM (the size of a golfball in one area), but it is only within the time frame of the last two weeks that it has grown to a considerable amount, enough for it to cause me pain.

Yesterday was definitely a taxing evening having to have gotten the news in the morning, reacting, getting copies of my MRI to take to the ER, getting to the ER, then get poked, proded and crashing (the other kind and not the overnight kind, thankfully!) at the ER.

So yah, this is to let you all know that I haven't disappeared and promise that I'll be back better than ever. Hopefully sooner than later, as I'm not really purportedly scheduled until early January to have anything done. So here goes...*click*

fI

P.S. In the mean time, support the blogs of my friends to the right...they're just as or even more awesome than I am. If I was awesome at all to you, that is...

Third Brush...

"Middle school marked a change in practice: Physical Education (herein P.E.).

The American School system's age old attempt to instill life long practices of fitness, competitiveness and health.

Yes, middle school was definitely a mark for him as P.E. was not only about the aforementioned but also consisted of the undressing and dressing of pre-pubescent boys, several of which may have hit puberty earlier than others.

The locker room turned into a stomping ground of many boys undressing, dropping trow, frolicking in the showers and roaming without abandon.

Getting ready for P.E. and redressing at it's close were definitely two adequate times for lots of head turning and eye fixations. In particular for him, his adjacent lockermate, Billy B.

Billy B. was definitely a fine specimen of a strapping young man in the making. Frost white blonde, squarish jaw, an impending musculature that showed it's iminent potential and abs you could definitely take a load of laundry to.

As coy as Billy B. was, didn't know he was an object of eventual lustful thoughts and perversion. It was with luck that the said lockermate would be lucky enough in the lapse of the year to catch glimpse. A glimpse of what you may ask?

One day as Billy B. was attempting to ready to redress himself, it happened. Billy B.'s tighty whities tented ever so slightly, at the most perfected angle to expose his manhood. A tuft of matching frosty white blonde hair atop what appeared to be a flaccid four inch penis. He found it difficult not to stare as he had never seen any other as close or as fully realized as the one he bore witness to that day (other than his own of course).

Billy B. didn't notice, but he exposed himself that day to him. It was beautiful. Engrained in his memory that day. A glimpse of another boy's penis. He still can recall Billy B.'s smirkish smile, his toned body, the abs...and...that penis in his memory..."

fI