Sunday, July 29, 2007

Sooner than later or later than sooner?!

So I need to get my head sorted out...and here is likely the best place as any (not to mention none of my personnel support is up/around/available)...

Like I've mentioned previously, I'm totally coming to terms with things and am finding great comfort in just being completely honest and open with friends about myself and, in particular, my persuasion.

This weekend was no exception. Thursday, whilst at the International San Diego Comic Con, I happened upon the Lionsgate booth and while perusing with my college friend, Bub, the booth model caught my eye. He was gorgeous! Over 6', muscular and olive skinned. Beautiful. (I may just post this photograph of myself and the model for my big revealing...which I will discuss further below. *edit: cropped [for the time being] and posted above! :D). After being transfixed, I dragged Bub around the booth and continue past it. It was then I thought to myself, I'll just tell him now, as I really wanted my pic snapped with the said model. So I disclose and Bub, despite being a little shocked, was completely fine with it. We circled back and he snapped my photo with the model.

Interestingly enough, the incident above made the whole weekend easier for me as I didn't have to hide anything with Bub and he asked me what my ratio split is between guys and girls; and the answer to that is 70/30...which made me there such a thing as gay-curious?! Since there's bi-curious; is there such thing as straight-curious (for ex-gays maybe?! Is there such thing as that as well?!)? Definitely perplexing...maybe I am totally gay and not just bi? I digress (this blog post is become a flow of consciousness at the moment)...

Anyways, before I rattle on, I should give more back story about why all this self-exploration is coming about. Last week, I partied in WeHo again for the umpteenth time; hitting up Rage, Fiesta Cantina and The Abbey. This evening started off my boldness, amongst other things. Liquid Courage was definitely an important part of that evening, as it helped me loosen up and get pretty out there. In my drunken state I: took a photo with the hot, (unfortunately I found out) straight security guard at The Abbey (he let me in the previous time sans my ID), let Dandy (friend from college who had been openly gay and told me after having first met him a long time ago) give me a lap dance (it was really nice btw! :D) as well as he and I grinding it on the dance floor (good times! ;D). Had an awesome evening and we topped it off at Swingers Diner as I still needed to sober up and drive home (at 3am mind you! :X).

*WARNING: It may get graphic starting in the next have been warned!!! :P

Fast forward to the next evening...I had finished with a friend's engagement party and it was decided us kids in attendance would hit Starbucks for some refreshments. So I headed off with a friend (*note: Straight boy) who hitched a ride to Starbucks, albeit early and we were the first arrivals. So we chit chat in the car and take a look at the photos from the previous evening. So we finish that and then I decided to get a bit frisky with this friend and put my hand on his upper thigh (mind you, we are still sitting in the car, about 20 feet from people in public and no, my windows are not tinted). I then worked my way further up, to his balls (which caused him to jerk back, for lack of a better word, in effect) and then I began to feel around thus finding what I was looking for. I start rubbing him through his shorts and query him, "So is this doing anything for you?". I continued rubbing him through his shorts, made some comment about unzipping him on the spot and he then tried to stop me by flicking my hand jokingly (?) to stop doing what I was doing. So I did. Then some friends did finally show up and the friend, after my prodding, did not want to head in to the store, so I put my hand back on his upper thigh and continued on my conquest. After this second visit, said friend decided it was time we got out of the car...end Bold Moment #1.

Next Scene: Bold Moment #2 - Setting: The next day. To get the pun out of the way, A1 Steak Sauce definitely has nothing on me, thanks to this day. Now with another friend (he's Bi), I tell the story of yesterday's antics and said friend makes it apparent he is getting hard from the retelling and redemonstration of said events. So friend queries me if I want to see it, seeing how he was already hard from the transpirings of previous events; so I agree. We mutually decide it's a "Show me yours, I'll show you mine" type of deal. So we both unzip and begin handling each other's goodies. I begin to notice that I'm enjoying this mutualistic moment more than friend. So in all fairness I asked him if he was nervous/okay and I swear I could totally hear him swallow the lump in his throat; we decided it went further than it should have and we both rezipped. That was the end of that...for now; at least according to that friend.

So I'm getting completely confused and discombobulated. I disclosed all this to ToBF and he made a good observation that "[I'm] probably making up for lost time." Which I think is definitely a spot-on description of what's happening as of late. But, back again to the assessment of my current situation. Can I be gay-curious? I think I'm completely beyond being bi and feeling things out. But before I decide, I think I need to figure out all the feelings in my head and that will also come along with my revealing.

So I'm completely done with hiding myself and I would totally be fine being out in the open and I think my confidence would completely be boosted if I completely reveal myself...August. That's soon...I will tell all (more?) then...

To be continued...


Monday, July 16, 2007

My New Obsession...

Shayne Ward - If That's Ok With You

Definitely okay with me...(actually MORE than okay!)...


Monday, July 09, 2007

So Many People To Do and So Many Places To See...

J/K...I wish that were true...well, the "People To Do" part at least.

So in the last few weeks I have been totally going out (pun intended) of my way to be out in the scene.

I live in the valley (for those of you outside of the US, that's the Northern part of Southern California), which is about 20-30 mins North of LA, specifically, West Hollywood, the mecca of So Cal for us Mo's here.

I know I've mentioned I have popped my gay clubbing cherry already, but I took it to the next level. With The Twins (who self proclaimed calling themselves Fag Hags now) we hit up Hamburger Mary's late June. Some of you may be familiar with this place but it's a gay restuarant and it's absolutely fabulous! haha Our waiter was awesome (after one twin asked how the Mac & Cheese Balls were, he replied "They're nice and gooey! I like my balls cheesey!" We were in stitches at that point) and he even got me a double shot in my margarita (which was a surprise to me cause I didn't realize and the twins were like yah he said it was a double shot).
We then proceeded to check out a bar down the street called "Gold Coast" (which was more like "OLD" Coast) and grabbed a drink while we got sassed by some patrons of the bar on the street, with one twin getting lip about her boots (and not in a positive way mind you). We then headed out to The Abbey. That place is awesome, let me tell you! So me being the gym rat, I had managed to forget my ID in my gym bag that night. But lucky me! I told the security guard I had forgotten my ID and seeing my lament, he looked at me (with his gorgeous eyes) and just asked me what my birthdate was, and let me in. SCORE!!! OMG! I was so happy he let me in. Not to mention I didn't realize it but he was a totally hottie! So after chatting it up with the twins we decided to call it a night and headed back out to find said security guard so we could take a photo. But no luck, as I didn't want to ask him out right (he probably gets it all the time). Oh well!

That evening set a precedent in the next few weeks.

So in the last few weeks I've ended up telling about another 4 people or so, one of them being a friend from HS whom I've known for next to 13 years now. She did find it a bit shocking but was totally cool about it. Not to mention she stated, "Now we can check out the hot white guys!" (despite having a boyfriend already, hah!) I <3>

And in the previous weekend I help manage the registration department for this large convention in Long Beach with about 40,000 attendees (projected) and man that was insane! Luckily for me, BFoR, BFoR's sister, BFoL, ToBF were there to keep me sane! And not to mention this hot boy name Shaun who was a volunteer for the convention. He was totally hot (despite being underage)! And so a story for this goregeous specimen of hotness:

I spotted him working across the way and I was telling BFoR how I was totally enamored by this hot volunteer. BFoR being the awesome friend he was managed to snap some pics of said boy with his digital SLR (which I still need to get from him!). And I was trying to figure out a way to get his name, cause he had no name tag. And then I had an epiphany! I got very courageous and went over and started chit chatting with everyone in his area. Then I zeroed in on him, "Actually, we need someone to help queue this line...what was your name?" "Shaun." "Nice to meet you Shaun! Do you mind if I pull you from here and put you over there *pointing to the line*." "Sure." SCORE! Got his name and even managed to put my hand on his back. Yes, I'm suave! hahaha So this whole time I'm oogling him and since he was directly across from a friend's station I kept visiting her so I could talk about him and get eyefuls.

Next up, was the manager at the Chili's store. He caught my eye immediately! He had some nice pants on that definitely showed off his ass-ets. ;) BFoR's sister was in tow and well, she knew I was feenin' on the manager, so she made it her crusade to get me his picture, under the guise that he looked like one of her friends. He told her he would come to our table when he had a moment. A good moment had passed and well he never made it to our table, so up she went and found him and snapped a photo of him for me. Thanks BFoR's sister! I <3>

Anyways, 4th of July was uneventful in the sense it was spent indoors cooking with NY Friend's GF (who I must say is a fucking awesome ass chef) but with the most delish food ever! She promised to teach me how to cook risotto when I go to NY end of August. I can't wait! :D

This past Saturday I hung out with the Twins again (I <3>Akbar in Silverlake, but again this gym rat forgot his ID in his gym bag, and this time no luck with the bouncer. ULTIMATE PARTY FOUL!!! The Twins forgave me, but I swear I'm a Party Fouler Extraordinaire (aside from being a Future Home Wrecker)! So after that, we decided to hit up Swingers in LA. This place is open til 4AM and is Mo friendly! :D There was a hot waiter inside that I could totally die for! We spent a good 3 hours there whilst waiting for the Twins' Friend (who's beautiful btw) and hoping for Twins' Other Friend (but he was preoccupied tending to other guys in his car who didn't want to go "far," when they were actually down the way on Hollywood...LAME!) to show up. We racked up a nice bill but I felt madd generous (thank you raise at my job...8.33% baby!). I enjoyed the evening so it was totally worth it!

We then also checked out Elvis' house in the hills (off of Laurel Canyon) before we trekked it back home to my place at 2AM. Good times with the bitches! :D

Okay...that's the last few days/weeks in a nut shell. I am slowly coming to point of not caring who knows about me anymore. Which brings me to another thought, is whether to be completely out in the open (on here) with my picture and name. There are those of you who already know me personally, but I'm done hiding under a guise. I need to decide soon what I want to do about this. I think my addressing my body image by going to the gym has given me tons of confidence and not to mention me looking pretty damn good these days! Maybe you all can judge soon enough...we'll see.

Hope all of you out there in the internet are well...well those one or two of you that do read my blog still...