Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Paying respects...

So to take a break from all this oogling...I would like to take a moment and pay respect to someone I don't personally know, but would love to find and have the same courage he had in his short life.

As I was browsing Towleroad.com, I came upon this article about an out athlete named Michael Anthony Castro. He died at the age of 19 when the driver of the vehicle (his boyfriend at the time) had lost control of their vehicle and fell 120 feet into a ravine. An event I am somewhat familiar with but luckily for me (and unfortunately for Michael), I had less of a tragic outcome (I gloss over my event here, ask me for details if you want in).

To paraphrase his story (but you should definitely read both articles in full from EPSN here and from Outsports.com here), he was closeted until his sophomore year in high school and then was out as a gay athlete in football (as a quarterback), swim (as a team captain) and wrestling. One of the great stories retold about Michael Anthony was when a homophobic guy on the wrestling team kept spewing remarks. Michael Anthony confronted this guy head on and asked him to put his money where his mouth was. Michael Anthony shut the guy up after pinning the guy in 30 seconds and conversely the guy had quit the wrestling team in effect (which according to the stories, Michael Anthony felt if you couldn't deal with his homosexuality then it was your problem). Also it seemed like Michael Anthony was a joker of sorts, when he joined an openly gay flag football team. Stories retold by his the organizer of the team and other players of the team exemplified the great attitude Michael Anthony had about life in general. Also he showed how well he loved too, when he introduced his then boyfriend Cody whom he joked about being "straight" with the team coach. Michael Anthony also had faced hardships in his personal life with a mother who had turned him away (but his gay high school counselor became his guardian and mentor), a father in prison and friends whom had died from gang and drug activity (which he tried to use football as an outlet for both himself and those friends during these times).

Michael Anthony's short but lived life ended as of January 21st, 2007 and his burial just today, January 30th, 2007 in Santa Ana, CA. May his soul rest in peace and his memory continue to remind us as a prime example of someone we all aspire to be.

fI

P.S. This story reminded me of a few people: JP of Overnight in New York for his courage of being out to his fraternity brothers regardless of what they thought; Phil of Micifus for being out as a gay athelete, as well as to his family now, in which he showed alot of courage and ferver in being resolute in what he was doing. Also thanks go out to JP and Tim of I Think I Might Be Gay, for reminding me that I need to be less downtrodden on myself and more confident, which the above story became a good reminder that I need to think more highly of myself. Also thanks to Drew of Superdrewby.com for being a constant reminder to smile every day! *hugs Drew* :D

Eye Candy, v4.0...

Okay I've been wanting to blog about this since last week and to further purport my addiction to TV lately (can you blame me?! There's so much eye candy on TV so far this year! :D)... I have found my nurse Cullen had auditioned all the way out in New York for American Idol....just kidding!

Introducing Chris Richardson of Cheseapeake (sp?), VA who made it to Hollywood! Maybe I'll see him running around Hollywood and Highland during the Hollywood Semi-Finals...if I do, I am SOOO taking a picture with him! I'm definitely going to keep an eye on this hot boy! On to the video!!! *drools*




fI

Sunday, January 28, 2007

"You're [hired]!!!"

Okay...so being confined to staying at home alot lately, I've had the priviledge to watch TV...a whole LOT of TV...Today is no different.

Tonight, I caught another episode of The Apprentice and I'm falling in love with Aaron Altscher (his Myspace here or for his personal/commercial site here). Unfortunately, he's straight, but he is hot!!! Last week's episode he had his shirt off for part of the episode; long enough to make himself noticeable as a hunky, muscular and handsome piece of man.

Here's Aaron's bio:

Aaron, 25, grew up in Columbia, Maryland, and earned All-Conference and All-Region NCAA baseball honors while getting his degree in business administration at the University of Mary Washington. He continued his education there and recently received his MBA in project management. Aaron currently works as a community sales manager, managing sales and marketing operations for a Fortune 150 homebuilder.

Only 25, Aaron already has several personal property investments. He spends his spare time playing guitar, coaching baseball, riding his motorcycle and participating in triathlons.

Aaron thinks he should be the next Apprentice because of his "passion for real estate along with his personal integrity, resilience and humility."

Another hot aspect of Aaron, for me personally, is the following statement he made on his workplace ethos:
Altscher believes the winning combination for success is to balance innovation, hard work, and humility. The best managers, he says, are those who empower their employees and maintain a “hands off” approach but aren’t afraid to roll their sleeves up and work alongside their charges.

I am totally all for his management style which is an ideaology I am a huge proprietor for in the workplace. If your boss/manager does not know to do the job you are doing and they think they are better than you to not know how to do or be able to do the same job you do, then as a manager I feel one has failed in that respect. But that's just me. Not to mention, that on his site he has a gallery of pics of him in a tight, butt hugging, full on baseball outfit. As well as him being a well rounded jock and book worm (as described in his extended bio on his site). So with all these pieces in mind, Aaron Altscher is one hot man I wouldn't mind giving me orders at work. Yes sir indeed!!! ;)

fI

P.S. I'll try to download last weeks episode and post up some of shots of the beefcake shirtless on this post...delicious! ;)

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Commercial Break!

So I would like to take a commercial break (of sorts) from the usual updates to note some changes I made to my blog sidebar! :D

First, this great clip of Jake Gyllenhal reprising "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" from his recent hosting of SNL for alot of you to enjoy (cause I know I'm not the only one who loves me some Jake! :D):


And also note, The Ear Candy section on the sidebar where I'll likely highlight songs I'm feeling right now or likely the next hit single on an album for an artist I'm checking out or enjoy listening to (I have a penchant for picking out the hits on an album from one listen...too bad I can't make a career out of that :T ).

As well as The Fits section, a link to Threadless.com, an online store with some unique and awesome shirts that I definitely have taken a liking to since I've first discovered them and have several shirts in my possession with a few more on the way. Love that place! :D

And lastly The V-Mail section for you all to leave me a lovely voicemail just like Paul of YarravillePaul has (thanks again mate for not being shy! :D). It's just your voice and it's not your picture or something...so find comfort in your anonymity! ;)

Hope you all are enjoying your weekend and being safe. Thanks again to all of you for you support as of late it is greatly appreciated and definitely makes me feel better about all the things I've been experiencing and going through the last few months. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! :D

fI

Friday, January 26, 2007

Rehab, Part 02...

So, had my rehab session with Todd today. And he was cute in a older guy, DILF (read: Dad I'd Like to Fuck) sorta way. He was cracking jokes and what have you here and there, which I thought was pretty cute of him. I can imagine that when he was a bit younger than he is now that he was quite a looker...I have to admit my guilty pleasure was staring into his blue eyes...hot! :D

So far the rehab (only the first week) has been good. Gotten alot more movement back in my neck and shoulders and I'm less afraid to walk around (again something I mentioned we all take for granted). They're trying to reprogram my brain to find the discomfort and dizziness as normal rather than a reflex where you want to stop a bad feeling like the dizziness, uneasiness and discomfort of it all.

Todd had me do several walking exercises to test/stretch/regain full motion of my neck inversely to the use of my eyes...which I forget what it's called but my eyes, when I turn to the right skip their place, due to the surgery. So hopefully that gets in check sooner or later!

Also, having my eyes closed and shaking my head is NOT FUN! That's when my condition/dizziness feels at its worse I can feel myself tettering off center. It was kinda hot to have had Todd put the stability belt on me to make sure I wouldn't fall. hehehe...Okay enough of me being naughty for now...Time for some Pussycat Dolls in London live concert and Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Lovers in Orange County live concert!

fI

P.S. I'll try to post my lucid dream story this weekend when I have more privacy...As Bart said, "Can't sleep...the clowns'll eat me!"...Well I'm not scared of clowns...the parents (read: mom) get nosy and butt into my business! :X And shout outs to Dan of SlowLaneDan.com as it's his birthday soon (beginning of February) and Drew of Superdrewby.com again for being the most gracious sweetheart! *hugs to both of them* You guys should have your packages in your hands by the middle of or late next week! Enjoy! ;)

P.P.S. I'm a huge fan of Joss Stone who's new album "Introducing Joss Stone" arrives in stores March 20th. If you haven't checked her out, please do! Her new single is "Tell Me 'Bout It" (it's likely playing for you automatically on my blog right now! Props to DB of A Procrastinating Wolverine for the idea...although my implementation didn't take me an hour and a half :X) a hot track with her awesome vocals produced by Raphael Saadiq (of Toni! Tony! Tone! fame)! Check it out! Oh and I'm mentioning her cause I'm gonna see her live, in concert on January 31st...Can't wait! Coincidentally, it'll be one of the first times I'm out in public alone...well with a friend...but I mean without my parents and such! Yay me! :D

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Rehab, Part 01...

As of Monday, January 22nd, I commenced my whirldwind of physical therapy sessions. Debbie's my physical therapist and is really great and chipper at diagnosing/remedying my symptoms. It's great! She knew how I felt and what I'm doing through and understands the difficulties in my uneasiness in performing certain tasks we all take advantage of like walking, going up stairs, handling slanted services. It felt good to have gone and having someone know EXACTLY how things are with me physically and mentally. She gave me about (5) exercises to do at home (one includes smiling in the mirror, I'll explain why soon).

Today, January 24th was my second session. Did alot of walking exercises in the clinic and then I got accosted in the vestibular machine made by Neurocom, which had moving walls and a standing plate that dipped/jerked forward, backward, left and right. It was quite evil! Worse more so when your eyes are closed. But according to my test results, I'm pretty good as far as my balance and such, it's just that the unassuredness is what's causing me the slight hold back and Debbie said that's something we can definitely work on. And also a precursor to getting me back to 100% before I go back to work on February 14th, she beefed up my PT appointments. Have some sessions with a guy named Todd...I wonder if he's hot? We'll find out Friday! I wouldn't mind falling into his arms, if he's hot...;)

That's all for now...hope you are all doing well...shout out to DB of A Procrastinating Wolverine as he's been under the weather...hope you're feeling better soon mate! :D

fI

P.S. Still waiting for Devil's Advocate to get in contact with me (you can email me at 1rst.impression at gmail.com [change at to the symbol] or AIM f1rstimpre55ion)...Hi Devil's Advocate! ;) Thanks! :D

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Discharge, Part 03...

The last post in the series...

So after being discharged, I ended up at my parents place and have had to live/sleep on the first floor because in the early part of my recovery process I was unable to climb/go upstairs just then.

So had a flurry of visitors post-discharge; relatives bringing food, friends hanging out, friends bringing food, toys and hanging out and seeing/talking to people I haven't talked to in ages.

This downtime is good. The only downside was a visit from my manager who brought me an awesome card and gift (here) from himself and my coworkers, I'm assuming. But my being out on leave, has set me back as far as my career and the position I was moved into is now no longer open until April as the headcount had been filled. Muy triste! Oh well...gives me time to further prove myself and get the clout I need. Maybe I should build that SQL site I had mentioned before my medical leave to impress some heads. We'll see.

Oh and also to mention my ER scare because the residents at the hospital who discharged me didn't represcribe the right medication upon my leave so for 4 days I was without my medication for my hypertension...which was bad! But went to the ER and got that in check that day and the next few days...luckily! And now my blood pressure is back to normal...

So this ends the trilogy of posts about my operation...not sure how much more I can flesh it out w/o getting boring...next few posts should be musings about the lucid dreams I had on morphine, delotin and vicodin while in the hospital; and possibly a few other topics that I've been wanting to blog about for a while now...and now that I have time...I definitely will take advantage of the situation! :D Take care for now my readers!

fI

P.S. Props to several people: Matt at Debriefing The Boys for the new link (!); Drew of Superdrewby.com for being the sweetest guy EVER (mostly lucky for Lee!); Paul of YarravillePaul for the concerns; Tim from I Think I Might Be Gay, DB from A Procrastinating Wolverine and JP from Overnight in New York for consistently posting on their blogs so I had some personal amusement and glee in reading about their current events; Bobby of Bobby's Body for checking in with me about how things were; and El Senor Jesse my lovely friend for being so concerned about me when he hadn't heard from me in a while since my surgery (oh and congrats on the good news as of late). If I forgot you...sorry! Hope you are all well regardless if I gave you a shout out here or not! ;)

P.P.S. And to the "anonymous" Devil's Advocate...email/IM me...I'm curious who you are and what insights you can provide...you intrigue me! :)

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Discharge, Part 02...

I have to try to make this post incognito...

So where did I leave off?...Oh yah..post surgery...

I got wheeled into ICU post op with BFoR and our mutual friend in tow at about 6AM; I can only recall the fuzzy image of BFoR and friend, with BFoR rubbing my right finger tips (Thank you, you hot boy, you! ;P) and a nurse with a British accent grabbing both my arms and making some comment about the pain (my mom tells me she was saying, "[fI] it's okay to have some pain!"

Next day, I'm up and my ICU nurse Sarah was awesome! She babysat me for the next 12 hours or so from drugs, to pillow adjustments and such and making sure I was comfy as possible.

Then after a short stint in the ICU I got transferred to the West Wing, Nuerosciences, room 769B. And the first night my nurse was Maria, a very nice nurse who made sure I was comfy as well with lots of drugs and vicodin! Heh! :D Also props to the charge nurse Norma!

Then the next day was a great evening, introducing my first and only male nurse, Cullen! What a gorgeous man he was! about 5'10"-11", brown hair, hazel eyes and a slight muscular build. Had a scruffy goatee going. HOT! And lucky me I had him two nights in the row on the night time shift. I didn't mind waking up to him to take my blood sugar, giving me morphine, delotin and vicodin! YUM! Haha...I sound like i walked out of the Betty Ford clinic! Anyways! :D

Cullen, if anyone knows this guy (last initial starts with a T), let me know...and if he swings, even better...but definitely a beautiful, gorgeous man and I was lucky to have him two nights in a row as my nurse.

Not to mention the nice CP Anna, one of the few CP's who was very, very nice to me! Lovely lady indeed! :D

Then, there was my day nurse who I had twice, Olivia, who wasn't that great...especially during my discharge when they didn't represcribe the right meds. Some of my docs were on crack! Like Dr. Wu who tripped on my IV while it was STILL in my arm. Can we say OW?! And not to mention the countless pricks for the blood sugar and the anti-clotting shots on the tummy...OY!

So yah, I was discharged on Saturday, January 13th, only after about 4 days from Surgery >> ICU >> Regular Care...More in the next post! :D

fI

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Discharge, Part 01...

Hope I didn't keep you all waiting too long! (My only to continue blog life is through my Crackberry, at the moment, so bear with me!)

It's been quite tumultuous the last week and a half (and that's outside of the drugs and pain mind you).

Let's see if I can tell you all how I'm doing without being too wordy (Drew of www.superdrewby.com knows how bad I've with this, "Hi there handsome! :D")...

January 9th was a long day for everyone (I'll get to why in a second)! Went in at 9:30AM, prepped by noon, wheeled into the OR by 1:30PM, then out of the OR by 4:30AM on January 10th. A gruelling 11 hour operation for the nuerosurgeon, family and friends (BFoR waited until I got out of surgery on the 10th with his best friend/mutual friend so they could see me...thankfully! I love them so much for being there for me!)

80% of the tumour (Thanks to ESJ for correcting my spelling heh!) is finally out!

This is quite physically tiring to do on my CB, let alone at 3:30AM on January 17th! Vicodin gives one some intense REM sleeps! And I mean INTENSE! So I'll have to continue this tomorrow...got tons of stories for you kids! ;)

fI

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Point of no return...




fI

Monday, January 08, 2007

One last one for the road...

So...this is it. The last post before I go in tomorrow...And I am definitely getting nervous. Especially doesn't help when people keep asking me if I'm ready for all this. In all honesty, who really ever is? I have to keep this short, but thanks to everyone for all their kindness and sincerity lately. I'll try to post from the hospital from my Blackberry...see you soon kids! ;)

fI

P.S. BFoR has agreed to post updates for me. Hopefully he can give you guys some insight on stuff the next few days until I can hop back onto the computer or my Blackberry...Be nice to him! :D

P.P.S. Also check out the new toy on the right! Leave me messages...Thanks to Yarraville Paul for the idea! ;)

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Shouldn't complain...

Okay. First off, I wasn't planning to air my "dirty laundry" in "Hiatus..." but ESJ convinced me that it wasn't an airing out and definitely wasn't for pity's sake (at least I wasn't aiming for that). I wanted to share with those few who, in the anonymity of the internet, that I do talk to or that read my blog a very personal plight I was facing. And in that respect, something I didn't want to face alone.

Again with the anonymity allows for us to vent and voice some sort of reason to our thoughts and concerns. And definitely the "Hiatus" post made me think. Do I want to sit back and infuse my next few weeks with self pity and wallowing in my mess or do I want to live it up? Well...to keep this part short, the hiatus was only for a few days.

I felt that the blogging, interaction in general and living it up, per se, would better me homeopathically rather than sitting in my personal, mental filth. So here I am.

I am thankful that I didn't continue on that said "Hiatus," or I would have never been able to have the time of my life the last week or so hanging out with friends (online and real life), "meeting" new friends (Thanks go out to Drew of Superdrewby.com for his awesome shout out for me that I had never expected; Tim from I Think I Might Be Gay for the really good chats lately and some great advice; and JP Mac of Overnight in New York for just being an all around awesome guy to talk to!), as well as the real life friends like El Senor Jesse, BFoL, BFoR (sic), BFoR's sister, BFoR's family, my soon-to-be-comedian college friend (he said something prolific to me tonight in which I need to fix something before I have my surgery) and everyone else I likely didn't mention (because we could [read: can], be here all night/day).

I honestly don't know what to say...but for now, I leave you all to read my previous entries from the last three months. In particular, the one post I really do love is the "Happy New Year!!!," a special story that rings true for me every day.

Thanks again for reading...I'll likely have one more post the night before I go in...


I can dream about tommorrow

If it's still today

I'd wear down my knees every night

Even if I had no hands to pray

If my friends were dead and gone

Leavin' me here alone

Could I depend on some spirit

To ease me when my soul's on its own

If my eyes were blind

And I couldn't feel at all to see

Nothin' in this world but you complete me

- Tweet, Complain

fI

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!!!

So for my few readers, we're gonna take a commercial break from the last post to blog about a story I read several years ago and is pretty much an anecdote for my life.

Here it is (from what I recall of how it goes, might be slightly embellished for effect):

At a high school, existed a Jock; popular in all respects: a letterman, going out with the captain of the cheerleading team and likely a well to do in academia; everyone's envy.

There also existed a bookish Nerd; the total opposite of the jock: quiet, detached from reality, school and home were all he knew; invisible.

Both continue through the early part of the school year going through each of their typical routines. One day came along where their path's cross.

The Jock and the Nerd share the same path home. It was only this day did the Jock take notice of the Nerd. The Nerd was ahead of the Jock down the sidewalk and the Nerd was holding his head down with much disdain for the dreariness of his life. The Nerd, that day had decided that this day he would end it all: the pain, the invisiblity, his life.

Suddenly, a group of kids from the school rush towards the Nerd and knock the books and binders loose out from his arm; all the items spilling out onto the sidewalk. The Jock watched as this happened and something changed in him. The Jock runs up to the Nerd and helps him pick up his books and binders from the ground. The Jock introduces himself to the Nerd and they meet. That's all it took.

The Nerd went home, but he did not end his life as he had originally decided. The Jock gave him a glimmer of hope that his life wasn't as doomed as he had originally seen it. The year continued and the Jock befriended the Nerd. They became the best of friends, the Nerd made some amazing strides in the next few months; changing his life for the better, thanks to the Jock.

At the close of their high school year, as best friends, they both graduated, celebrated and relished their time in high school; also looking forward to their time at the same college. They stayed best friends and became closer than ever than one could imagine. They both completed college and entered the working world.

After high school, after college and even after entering the working world, they kept in touch and stayed the best of friends no matter where and what life brought them.

The then Nerd, had blossomed all those years and was now getting married. The Nerd began his speech at the reception. He told stories of his now wife and his life, as well as his golden friendship with the Jock. He retells the story of the day they met. The Nerd begins to get choked up in his speech. "It was that day I decided that I would kill myself when I got home from school. But that day I met my best friend and he had changed my life for the better; more than he would ever know. If it wasn't for him, I would not be here today. And I am forever grateful for him and his friendship. I love you."

I'd like to say thank you to all of you whom read this blog and definitely to all those of you whom have befriended me and have made an impact in my life that you would not believe you could have, be it large or small.

Happy New Year's to you all! May 2006 have been an amazing year for you and 2007 be an even more amazing year and hold for you all your hopes and dreams materialized!

fI