Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Case Study 01: Runneth over?!

March 4, 2007 - Apologies for the delay on this entry...I have tons of material I can speak to this week! So sorry if my blog has been a bit static, been busy trying to get my life back on track! Thanks for continuing to read my blog! :D

So, in the last two months, I can nearly count all my fingers on one hand of how many people have tried to run me over! What gives?! Is there a huge sign above my head that says please hit me?! I don't understand! Is my renewed lease on life playing out like Final Destination redux?!...

Case Study 01, Scenario 01, December 31, 2006 - Okay, I'm not giving the majority of people who shop at Walmart much credit, but unfortunately the large demographic of their clientele aren't the brightest bunch (apologies if this is offensive, but I am lead to assume so unless proven incorrect). Granted the lights in the parking lot weren't on and it was dusk, but there are reasons they built headlights onto cars. But, this particular junky car came barreling down the street as I was half way across the walkway towards the Walmart causing me to blurt out several explicatives as the sped away as if nothing happened. The lady driving the car, with her music blaring (from the quick glimpse of her I got) didn't look particularly of a keen mind and probably didn't have enough insurance to even cover her junky car. Yes, I know I'm generalizing a bit much, but I'm definitely quite annoyed by the likes of people who don't give pedestrians a break, when they themselves, if were in my shoes, would not likely enjoy the same heart pounding experience they had given me...

Case Study 01, Scenario 02 & 03, February 18, 2007 - This time, it was in broad daylight. As I was crossing the street to go to my parked car and head out to a friend's for the NBA All Star game...then here comes a junky car and a junky truck taking lefts right in front of me as I was crossing the street on a walk signaled crosswalk. WTF!!! The driver in the junky trunk looks in his rear view in amazement as if I was at fault...Asshole.

Case Study 01, Scenario 04, February 20, 2007 - This time at work, in the parking structure. This stupid lady in her cream white Lexus comes barreling down the 4th floor parking ramp and I am 3/4 of the way across the parking driveway. So this time I mustered up the courage to yell at her. I've had enough of people trying to run me over at this point. It's not like I was walking across tragically slow, it's cause I didn't trust her; obviously for good reason. She slows and is mouthing off in her car like I was at fault! So as she picks up her speed, continuing down the parking structure still speeding I flipped her off. If it was her she would have just been as crossed as I was. I respect pedestrians cause I know how it feels when bastards like this lady and the aforementioned do not give you the time of day even though you have the right of way...I swear!!!

Is it me or as someone still slightly crippled a huge target for being run over?! Do I have a fucking huge sign saying "Run me over!!!"?!


Monday, February 19, 2007

"But who [fI], are you?!"

"Roger: They say Mark's in love with his work;
They say Mark lives for his work;
They say Mark hides in his work...

Mark: From what?

Roger: From facing your failure;
From facing your loneliness;
Facing the fact you live a lie...

Yes you live a lie! Tell you why!

You're always preaching not to be numb
But that's how you thrive!

You create and you learn
but you're really detached from feeling alive!

Mark: That's because I'm the one of us to survive..."

Not that I'm trying to live my life off a Bohemian idealogy retold in a powerful musical, but who am I right now? I mean, really, who am I?

Sometimes, I'm so far removed from myself I'm not sure who or what I am at the moment. The hiatus that has happened between finding out in early December of my condition to January getting my surgery, I had to put alot on hold. My dreams and aspirations; my plans; my life on complete hold. And it is now, that I am able to step back and find clarity through everything...or at least attempt to.

It's like when I got back to work this past Wednesday, my manager instructed me to clear out 3,701 emails that were in my inbox. After skimming it through to take out any important emails and the like, it felt really good to be able to start over. Nearly a whole month and two weeks worth of emails constituted to nearly four thousand emails, many of which happened to contain alot of triviality in the principal ends to a means. In partcular, a sales rep who time and time again, manages to reprimand and accost everyone on the team when his balmy effort of a sale falls to the wayside because he can't convince the client to pay above rock bottom prices. If he had made the initial effort to get the client up to par, would he have to question everyone's motive now that the account may fail? And when it does come to it, why does he blame everyone else full well knowing he sold them at greatly discounted rates?

I digress, although that may be a lack luster parallelism to life, but I feel it is quite fitting. Why do we at times wait until it's too late to make any resolve in a situation? Why do we let it linger til it's beyond any comprehension to recover what we can? It's not that we willing do, but for myself, it feels like I am shrouded by so many other "important" things, that the really important things fall to the way side.

Having had to go on medical leave, I had gotten passed up at work for being the pioneer of this new team within the group I am working in. Unfortunately, I have no control over that. I was hoping to spearhead the team into a well organized, best practice-following group of individuals to shine under the leadership I know I am potentially able to reflect. But now I see it slipping ever so slightly as April is quite a ways before I am reconsidered. That was my break I was looking for to get me to the next level. Do I stay where I am established at and become a new found leader or do I try to make waves in a team that is starting sail off into the distance and play catch up?

I may sound quite shallow in basing my personal life based on professional life, but I have huge aspirations that I have given a back seat due to various circumstances as of late and previously. I am itching to be noticed and received; in my personal and professional lives. I always try to give it my all...110% of myself, but for now I am only able to play catch up in this cat and mouse chase...

But, I will definitely not give in so easily...you'll see.


Saturday, February 17, 2007

Retrospective, Part 01...

First off, I can officially say I am about 80-85% recovered from things. My face/jaw is definitely still numb; about 20-25% left and it fluctuates and gets inflammed at times due to yawning, chewing, talking and sadly, laughing! As horrible as that sounds...I'm coping and managing with all things considered.

On March 15th, I go in for another MRI and a follow up visit with the nuerosurgeon and also a consultation for the stereotactic (aka Gamma Knife Radiation) procedure to get the remaining 20% of the tumor that was left in my brain. What's scary is that I had been discussing my situation with a new friend (thanks to Drew of Superdrewby) about the radiation (whom is in a similar situation as I, having had a brain tumor and getting radiation to remove it). He mentioned he lost his hair and it made him really sick. Granted, he had multiple sessions for his radiation, whereas I was told I'd have mine done in one sitting as an out patient procedure. I guess we'll see, will have to pick the friend's brain a bit more and find out what other caveats there are to having it done.

I'll continue this later...my creative juices stopped flowing for a bit...might be because it's hotter than usual right now at 86 degrees...and it's not even summer yet! >:O


Thursday, February 15, 2007

My hero!!!

So a co-worker sent me a link to find out who your Super Hero Lover is and here is what I got:

Figured some of you would get a laugh...So, who's your super hero lover?!


P.S. I expect to see this on DB's (of A Procrastinating Wolverine) blog!!! :D

Thursday, February 08, 2007


Are in the room...

2wo 7even.


P.S. Happy one month anniversary to me...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Rehab, Part 03...

So a quick update...last of the Rehab series. Debbie my other physical therapist said I should be good to go on driving, but it's at the doctor's discretion (which I got the green light from his assistant today...yay!)

They got me working on stretching my neck out (last two visits consisted of neck stretches...thank heaven for them...my neck's gotten stiff but the stretches helped heaps! :D) Standing on this swaying platform while doing my eye exercises and what have you. The bigger part of the exercises is doing them with my eyes closed, in total darkness on the swaying platform. Definitely hard to keep my balance on it. The arches of my feet were killing me as I tried to balance for dear life whilst on the contraption.

I have three more sessions left then I am back to work on Wednesday, February 14th, Single Awareness Day (aka S.A.D). Awesome! One more post soon about another milestone before I go back into work...