Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Lookin' fly...

So the other day, I decided to sorta look dressy casual for work...A nice half zippered sweater from Gap with dark jeans from the Gap and nice dark brown leather step in shoes from Kenneth Cole Unlisted :

Full body shot...

The nice sweatshirt from Gap...

The Gap jeans and Kenneth Cole Unlisted shoes...

So the real story here is that, I'm not the only one who dressed up nicely. As I'm sitting at my desk, minding my own business when my co-worker (herein Susy) says, "Hey, we're twins!" and my other co-worker walks in on the conversation and gives me the look down. "Even the shoes!" she further exclaims. She had a v-neck sweater of the same color, dark jeans and dark brown heels in nearly the same hue as my shoes!!! O_O Man, did I feel majorly gay (not that there's anything wrong with it), but the fact I actually pulled together a decent outfit for once. Haha...guess I'm getting more comfortable with myself! :D


Sunday, November 26, 2006

Second Brush...

"The Sunday paper was always interesting, for several different reasons.

For the Sunday funnies that always managed to get a chuckle out of him.

Then there were the Sunday ads for the various department stores...JC Penny, Mervyn's, Target...

Target always seem to have a revealing display of men's undergarmet ads.

Beautiful, toned and tanned men with their gorgeous ripped abs framed by various undergarments on sale for the week.

It was always 'inspired' him to want to look like these men. Their biceps, triceps, chest...and a part of men you don't always see...Their abs.

In various sizes, sometimes six and sometimes eight; but always something to marvel at.

And another bonus, varying densities of their treasure trails.

Also not to mention the varying sizes of the buldges that their undergarments contained.

He had an amazing imagination. So it wasn't too hard for him to imagine these men completely undressed or comparing his size to theirs...

He collected these images, carefully cutting out every man and pasting it to a piece of cardboard so that he can collect them every weekend, imagining and marveling for as long as he wanted..."


Wednesday, November 22, 2006

First Brush...

"He sits there watching a foreign movie with his mother.

She asks him to cover his eyes during a scene in the movie.

He peeks slightly, of course, in curiosity as to what he wasn't supposed to see...

A man and a woman having sex, he later realized.

Immediately, his attention is focused on the man...his beautiful body, glistening with every motion.

He didn't catch much of the rest of the movie as it was past his bed time and fell asleep in his mother's lap.

Later during that week, he is home alone and finds that same movie to rewatch. He speeds through the film to find that same, exact scene and rewatches it. He begins to fantisize about the man in the movie. Again, that beautiful, glistening body capturing his full and complete attention. Beautiful.

Just beautiful.

He never thought anything wrong about his admiration for the beautiful man. Not then..."


Sunday, November 19, 2006


So after a good 3 or 4 weeks now, I've finally given myself closure.

I've stricken Mr. Right Now from my cell phone, from Myspace, from Y! Messenger and almost soon enough, from my feelings.

Speaking of moving on, hopefully soon I will be going on a date with my next hopeful Mr. Right candidate. And hopefully get a little more connected with him and take things a little bit slower...definitely want this to be more of a long term relationship rather than some unknowing, naive, one night stand. And it sounds like the new Mr. Right candidate, just might be the one...we'll find out! :)

Well, with that, I am unfortunately going to make this entry short. Lately I'm not feeling very lengthy in my entries...but rather many different entries, rather than one entry every blue moon, right?!

And Lastly...

Random factoid: "The US and Australia are tied on being the gayest countries." (That's for you Dan! ;D) That's from Great Things About Being Queer, a 60 minute show showcasing 20 great things by being gay and the aforementioned random factoid. :D Oh and one other notable one was, #5 - You Get To See Everyone Naked! Hahaha ;)


P.S. And I have to mention, Matt from Dudetube for some good advise on my closure with Mr. Right Now. Thanks Matt! :D

Long Time, No Post...

"It's been 7 hours and 15 days..." J/K Not really...well, maybe...almost.

And for that lack luster reference to Sinead O'Connor we kick the blog back into full gear!

So that last week I hadn't been feeling great at all and been completely drained to even do anything other than laying around and trying to recover. Work was painful staring at a screen 8 hours at a time all day and trying to concentrate. But you all get the jist of things...

Back to the Sinead reference. Went karaoke-ing with my coworkers one day after work last week...twas fun, despite being sick. Definitely needed that break between the monotony I know as my life.

But for now, until I get inspired (meaning: when I run out of chores to do in my apartment) I will write a full post. Just wanted to make sure I at least acknowledge that I am still alive and well (that's subjective). Probably get some more updates on myself, as far as where I currently stand on how I feel about my sexuality, as it has been lingering in my mind quite often these days...And so with that, the next post is to discuss how I really feel...


Sunday, November 12, 2006

Eye Candy v3.0...

Yet another hottie on the screen...

The hottie Oliver Queen aka the Green Arrow aka Justin Hartley, who can claim his initial fame from having filmed the Aquaman pilot slated for The CW (and unfortunately was not picked up by the network, so we are without this hottie consistently out of a t-shirt and his skivvies). But luckily for us, The CW contacted this hottie immediately when the role as the Green Arrow opened up (thank God for that!) :D Watch him as he flies around clad in leather and brandishes his bows and arrows causing him to flex his ripped biceps as he pulls back on the bowstrings of not only the bow but as well as our hearts and our dreams...

More images of Mr. McDreamy here...:D


Monday, November 06, 2006

I Wish...

I wish I was still standing that spot...before any of this happened...
I wish...


Eye Candy v2.0...

And to soothe my bruised ego and console my tainted heart...I give you some eye candy!!! Courtesy of Season 3, Episode 9 of Entourage, I give you Ken the Massuer...

Played by Johann Urb, he was a pleasant surprise at the end of the episode! :D Who knew over-complimenting a straight man would in turn open him up to the idea of sacking together!!! ;) And with that, where do I find my new Mr. Right who will do just that (well, after we've gotten to know each other)?! This post is definitely not to demean my last post "Meanings and Realizations," but I couldn't resist this hot piece of man that adorned my computer screen this evening...*drools*


Sunday, November 05, 2006

Meanings and Realizations...

So I feel rejected, used and abused. Why you may ask? Well, let me tell you...

The last time I saw Mr. Right Now was October 23rd, when he came over and shared my evening with me to watch Heroes which was a great evening, that I don't doubt.

Now fast forward to today, two weeks later I haven't heard from him aside from a stray text on October 30th. Okay I don't know if I'm being clingy, said something wrong or I dunno what to think now from the days that all these thoughts and feelings transpired.

One thing I feel completely rejected, cause well, already having low self esteem, and then having gotten with Mr. Right Now, it was definitely going against what I have thought all along: that I am not hot or even have what it takes to find a boyfriend. And now this...being ignored. My self worth is fluctuating and it's definitely stammering my thoughts on whether I will be accepted regardless of looks...

Secondly, I feel used. Yes, used! My first time EVER with a guy was with Mr. Right Now, and I definitely feel like I was used as a quick lay. FUCK I'M STUPID! I gave it up so easy now that I look back. I didn't even stop him. And I guess that's where my previous thoughts had come up to tell him to slow down as I felt like I threw it all away in one night and it meant nothing to him. And my fears are definitely coming true. What I had thought was something special was taken from me and I will never get back. Ever.

Lastly...abused. I lay my whole self on the line...and for what? Losing "it" all in one night and a bj in the span less than a week. And two weeks later, what do I have to show for it? Nothing. I haven't had a thought spared for me the last two weeks. Not a text, not a call...nothing. I definitely feel embittered.

ESJ said to give Mr. Right Now benefit of the doubt, that hey may be busy. And I have tried to believe that. But in all honesty, how hard is it to call someone back and say that you are busy and that you'll get back to them as soon as you are free? Is it that hard?! I left him a message today:

"Hey, it's fI. Calling to say hi and see how you're doing. I haven't heard from you in a while, so I just wanted to catch up. I know you've been getting my phone calls. I mean if you don't want to talk to me ever again, that's fine I can understand. At least just tell me so I know. Thanks. I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

Okay, I know what you're thinking. That sounded desperate right? Well, if anything I want closure so I can just move the fuck on. That's all I want. I don't want to be strung along thinking there's something there (or that I thought something was there) and to only have my heart broken. What's even more fucked up is Mr. Right Now said he had been cheated on in his last relationship two years ago. I guess the shoe's on the other foot. Is it that hard to find a decent guy around here?

Is it?!...


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Danger, danger Gym (Robinson)!?

Despite being a bit tired and what have you from a tumultuous night of sleep and a long day at work processing data, RFP's (Requests For Proposals) kicking my butt and IO's (Insertion Orders) laughing in my face -- I hit the gym tonight (even if for at least half an hour this time around).

I park my car and walk towards the front door of the gym. My mp3 player in tow, got my tunes bumping to get me hyped for a run. I check in at the counter and for the first time since I've gone to the gym, the guy at the counter asked for my ID (to my confusion). Anyways, back to the story.

I wander down the row of treads to the second set in the corner (which I might add are WAAAY too close to the mirrors on the wall, I'll have to explain this in a second). So I find a tread and get on it, pull out all the stuff in my pockets: my phone, my keys, my wallet and some change. And start the tread. I take off my sweater then attempt to strap on my mp3 player and it's holster on my left arm. I speed up the tread. After trying to get it on was a task...and then it happened.

The music stopped. It was silent and I can hear all the ambient noise around me. Oh NO! I pull out the mp3 player and try to start it again..."Low battery." CRAP! I try once more, no dice. So I proceed to remove the holster off my arm and lay it on the tread...and then it REALLY happened.

I pull the headphones off from around my ears and missed putting it completely on the tray of the tread. The right headphone fall down towards the tread path as I'm running and I attempt to grab it. BAD IDEA!!! The left heaphone follows, then the whole case! As I'm watching this this, my first instinct was to try to pick it up as the TREAD IS STILL GOING!!! I'm trying my hardest to avoid tripping on the whole mess when I realize I being to lose my footing! As I start to lose momentum and what was beginning to look bad, I was able to straigten myself and hit the emergency stop button...

But that didn't stop fast enough as the tread continued to roll as I nearly flew off and slid off the tread nearly tripping into the adjacent wall. I pick up my headphones, mp3 player and holster and jump back on the tread as if nothing happened.

Be careful where you tread!!! X_X haha


P.S. A teaser of next season's (Season 4) The OC:

Look at that tasty morsel, Ryan Atwood aka Benjamin McKenzie...his new haircut makes him quite hot as usual! There was an earlier portion of this scene of him washing his hands at a sink and his gorgeous arms were flexed. Beautiful piece of man right there!!! :D