Monday, October 23, 2006

Confused...

So I'm thinking about this whole coming out thing and seeing someone.

It actually made me sad tonight.

So let me play it out for you all...

Actually, some back story first...

Saturday night...I had made plans with Mr. Right to hang out on Monday, which by the way is Heroes night and I wanted to be able to share that with him. So by being forward thinking I suggested we meet up Sunday night as well because they were doing a marathon showing of the first three episodes of Heroes. Great idea right?!

Fast forward...

Sunday evenings...7:35PM Crap I'm late! So I hop into my car and head out to his place to pick him up. I call as I get onto the main street to his place...Hey, what's up! I'm on my way! *excited* "Oh...uhhh...What?!" Oh, you're not home? "Nope, I'm at my friends." I thought we were gonna hang out tonight too? "Yah I'm actually working on something at my friends. How about we still hang out tomorrow?" Okay that's fine. Talk to you later then. *click*

Wow. I felt dumb. So I sent him a text: "My bad! I assumed we were still hanging out tonight. Sorry! But I miss you still!" No response.

So I sorrily drove myself home to a lonely evening. I couldn't get my mind off it and thought I had totally fucked up somewhere. So I spent my night making my dinner, doing laundry, watching The Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives. Wallowing in self pity and loathing myself.

*Edit*

So I just texted him. "Good night! I hope you're not mad at me. I'm sorry. :("

Reply: "Lol no not at all why would i? Hehe night night handsome"

"I thought I was coming on too strong. That's all. Don't mind me. I just really miss having you around. I'm a loser.

Reply: "Lol no your not ok don't worry i miss you to"

Okay...maybe I'm too easy. Easily excited and easily depressed. I probably should slow down this relationship because I think I'm gonna set myself up to get hurt in the end if some how things sour (which I hope they don't at all...EVER!!!). Oh and it doesn't help that this is my first real relationship in this realm...well relationship at all perhaps. And I'm probably setting too many expectations especially when I don't know what he and I are at the moment...

Now I'm debating on whether to post this dillusional entry...I guess I'll keep it up for a day...and read it again thereafter and see how retarded I sound when I'm more logical...sleep away some of my fears...And to quote Danity Kane's Ride For You: "Maybe I'm foolishly overreacting...But being without you I can't imagine...What it takes to get through, I gotta stick with you, my baby..."

fI

1 comment:

Mattay said...

I'm reading and I just sent you an email.